GSS-4: Maintaining Motivation

Elizabeth: [00:00:00]

Have you ever wondered why motivation feels just amazing for about, I don't know, 12 minutes? Like how is it that you can make a plan on something that feels ight, but then by Wednesday you're staring at takeout menus, wondering who that motivated version of you was, who existed back then? Here's the uncomfortable truth that no one tells us.

Motivation is the least reliable part of your entire health plan. It abandons you the moment that life gets chaotic and our life is always gonna be chaotic. Life is chaotic. Yet. Every January we set goals as if our lives are suddenly gonna become calm, predictable, and perfectly supportive. Now, today I am gonna show you why motivation disappears, why it's not your fault, and the real reason you keep feeling like you're starting over.

And I'll [00:01:00] also show you the one shift, the single shift. That makes your habits finally stick even when you're tired, you're stressed, overwhelmed, or you're just playing over it. Now, if you've ever looked at yourself and thought, why can't I just follow through? If you've ever blamed yourself for losing momentum, if you've ever felt like other women have something or know something that you don't, this episode is gonna change the way that you think about your goals forever.

So do not skip this one. If you want your goals to actually last this year, this is where everything clicks.

Welcome to the Total Health and Midlife Podcast, the podcast for women over 40 who want peace with food, ease in their habits, and a body that they don't have to fight with.

Hey everyone. Thank you for tuning into the Total Health and Midlife podcast. I am your host, Elizabeth Sherman, and welcome back to our goal setting series. This is [00:02:00] a four part series designed to help you not just set goals, but actually follow through on them in a way that fits your real life.

The life you have right now, not the fantasy version that we sometimes plan for. Right? If you've been listening along this week, you know, we've already dug into three big pieces, how to set goals that are actually realistic, the myths that have been sabotaging you for years, and the obstacles that most women in midlife run into again and again.

Not because there's something wrong with them, but because their lives are full and demanding and completely unpredictable. And that's exactly why today's topic matters so incredibly much. Because if there's one thing that I know for sure, it's this motivation is not a reliable strategy. Not in midlife, not when you're juggling work, caregiving, emotional labor, a changing body, hormonal [00:03:00] shifts, and a to-do list that.

Never seems to shrink. Motivation evaporates the minute the plate starts to shake and your plate is constantly moving. Now, before we dive in, I wanna tell you a story about something that happened.

Oh, not too long ago, I decided that I wasn't going to eat chocolate after dinner anymore. Simple enough, right? And for about two weeks it was great. Which. By the way, is totally normal when we are trying to change a behavior. Those first two weeks, everything seems easy. Then one night I found myself standing in the kitchen holding a piece of chocolate, genuinely confused about why I had ever decided to stop eating it in the first place.

Like I legit could not remember the reason. The motivation I had two weeks earlier was completely gone. It was vanished. There was none to be found, and That's the point. That little story isn't [00:04:00] about chocolate. It's about how quickly motivation slips away. The second life gets busy, stressful, emotional, or just overwhelming, which it does on a regular basis.

It's not a character flaw. It's a not a discipline issue either. It's just the nature of motivation. And so today we're talking about what actually keeps you consistent when motivation disappears. How to follow through even on the days when you'd rather not, even on the days when life throws you off your game.

And even on the days when your brain is like, why are we doing this again? So let's get into it. Let's talk about why motivation feels so slippery, especially at this stage of our life. Motivation depends entirely on emotional weather, and if you're anything like the women that I work with, your emotional weather can shift from sunny to hurricane force winds in the span of about an hour.

One unexpected email [00:05:00] from work, one text from an aging parent, one kid meltdown. One night of lousy sleep, one hot flash. Suddenly that plan that you made in the morning feels like it belongs to someone else entirely. But this is the trap that most traditional goal setting puts us in. It assumes that your conditions will be perfect.

It assumes that you'll have energy, time, support, and cooperation. It assumes that your life looks like a quiet Saturday morning Instead of the logistical circus, it actually is. And when those perfect conditions don't appear, you look at yourself and think, now, if I were just more disciplined, I would follow through.

But the truth is it isn't discipline. The issue is the system that we are trying to use, A system built for people who don't have your responsibilities, your hormonal landscape, your invisible labor load, [00:06:00] or your emotional ecosystem. Now, I've seen this so many times. One of my clients, Christina, is a perfect example.

She always thought she kept losing motivation with her eating habits. She'd start a meal plan, stock the fridge, start out strong, and then it would fall apart by Wednesday or Thursday night. She blamed herself every single time she told herself she wasn't trying hard enough or she didn't want it bad enough, but when we looked closely, it was obvious she didn't have a sustainable support system.

Her husband wasn't supportive. He preferred ordering out, and anytime she cooked something healthier. He would kind of grumble or make a comment about it. She was carrying almost all of the co-parenting load with their young kids. Evenings were chaos. And by the time dinner rolled around, she was making three meals, managing homework, [00:07:00] navigating tantrums, and juggling a partner who quite honestly wasn't on board.

So of course, motivation disappeared. Anyone's would, nothing was wrong with her. She just didn't have a system that accounted for the realities of her life. And if you recognize yourself in that morning, workouts that fade after a stressful night or menu planning that falls apart when the household erupts into chaos, snacks, you swore off suddenly reappearing in your hand.

It's not because you're weak or inconsistent, it's because motivation can't do the heavy lifting in a life that demands as much as yours does. This is where most women think that they failed, but in truth, it's just the wrong boss running the show.

So if motivation isn't what keeps us going, well, then what does. There are actually three different forces that actually move you forward, consistently, [00:08:00] predictably, and without the emotional drama of waiting to quote unquote feel like it.

And these three forces are what? Separate women who follow through from women who keep restarting every Monday or every beginning of the month or whatever. It's, so the first one is commitment. Commitment is a decision. It's not a feeling. It's not an emotion. It isn't. I hope I'll feel motivated later.

It's, I'm choosing this because it matters to me even when I don't feel like it. Commitment is steady. It's quite honestly boring. It's not Instagramable, but it's far more powerful than motivation because it doesn't require good emotional weather in order to function. Now, the second is focus. Focus is simply directing your attention towards the next right action.

Even when life around you is loud and chaotic. Focus says, okay, everything is [00:09:00] happening right now, but what's the one thing that I can still do that honors the goal that I've set? In this stage of our lives with the invisible labor load that you carry, the skill is huge. It's what allows you to keep going, even when your brain is tired or scattered or pulled in 12 different directions.

And then the third force, the one that changes everything is identity. Identity is when behavior becomes part of who you are. It's when your brain goes from, I'm trying to do this thing to this is just what I do. This is my new normal. And once something becomes part of your identity, it stops requiring motivation altogether.

This is where the power really is.

there's a saying that I love that says action begets motivation. We think that we need motivation to act, but in reality, taking action. [00:10:00] Even the tiniest imperfect action is what eventually creates the feeling of motivation. So every wrap you put in builds evidence, and that evidence slowly shifts your identity.

The perfect example of this is one of my clients, Marta, she decided to give up alcohol, which as you can imagine, wasn't easy at first. She had always seen herself as someone who drank socially to unwind, to cope, to relax. She'd tell herself. This is just part of who I am. So the first days were so rocky.

The first week was uncomfortable. She didn't identify as a non-drinker yet. She was just a drinker who was trying to figure it out. But then she stacked up some reps. She started noticing the small wins, the clearer mornings, the fewer cravings, feeling more stable in her emotions. And after a while she'd go to an event and choose not to drink, and then [00:11:00] she'd do it again and again.

And one day she said, I think I'm becoming someone who doesn't drink. That identity shift didn't happen because she felt motivated. It happened because she built enough evidence up to slowly claim a new version of herself. And today that identity feels natural, authentic, and strong. Identity is the foundation.

Commitment and focus are the foundation as well. , But motivation, that's a nice to have. It's nice when it's there, but you can absolutely not rely on it to stay put. I say that motivation is a fickle beast. And I'll tell you this from my own experience, having A DHD means that I have to learn this the hard way.

I used to fight my brain thinking that if I just pushed a little bit harder or forced myself into [00:12:00] systems that were rigid and punitive, I would finally become someone who was quote unquote disciplined. But you know how that goes. Neurodivergent brains don't operate that way. So I started asking, well, what if I built systems around my brain instead of trying to make my brain fit someone else's system?

Now, this is where everything changed for me once I used structure to support myself. Reminders, rhythms, visual cues, identity work. My habits stopped being things I tried to remember and started being things I naturally did. It wasn't hype, it wasn't motivation, it was structure. And that's the shift I want for you to stop chasing motivation and instead become the woman whose systems and identity carry her forward.

Because when your habits become part of the foundation of your life. They don't roll away the moment that life starts ing, [00:13:00] they hold you steady because you hold steady. One of the most powerful shifts that you can make when it comes to staying consistent, especially at this point in our lives, is to learn how to celebrate just the smallest wins.

And when I say the smallest wins, I mean micro, I'm talking about the tiniest most unglamorous actions that you take in the direction of your goal, the things that you're tempted to dismiss as that's not good enough. But you know what? Those tiny actions, they are the things that shift your identity. They are the things that build evidence, and they're the things that keep momentum alive.

A micro win is choosing protein at one meal. It's taking a 10 minute walk because that's all you have the energy for. It's going to bed 15 minutes earlier or drinking a glass of water between your calls. [00:14:00] It's doing two strength exercises instead of a full workout because you're tired, but you still wanna honor your commitment to yourself.

These moments are small. They're almost invisible, but they are unbelievably powerful because here's the truth, progress in midlife is slower, but it's also deeper. We don't bounce back the same way we did when we were in our twenties. We can't bulldoze our way into a new habit. With sheer force, our hormones, our stress load, our responsibilities, they all shape how our bodies and brains respond.

But slower doesn't mean worse. Slower often means more sustainable. It means that you're building change layer by layer in a way that actually lasts. One of my clients, Cara is such a beautiful example of this. When she and I first started working together, she [00:15:00] assumed that she needed to totally overhaul everything at once, her workout routines, her eating patterns, all of it.

But she didn't have the bandwidth for that. She was exhausted and overwhelmed by the idea of starting big. So we started really super tiny. And when I say tiny, I mean tiny. Her first goal was just to walk to the mailbox and back. That's it. That was her whole entire assignment, and it felt almost ridiculous at first, like, how is this possibly going to change anything?

But she did it and then she did it again and again and again, and after a little while walking to the mailbox didn't feel like so much of a win anymore. It felt normal, so. She added to it. She went a little further and then a little further. And over time, not weeks, but months, Kara built a walking routine that actually felt [00:16:00] doable, enjoyable, and hers.

And now she is incredibly consistent. She is walking regularly and she feels proud of herself and she loves who she's becoming through this process. None of that happened because she woke up one morning and she suddenly felt motivated. It happened because she honored the microwind. She let herself believe that the tiny things mattered.

She let herself build momentum the way that we actually can't slowly, steadily, and sustainably. Success isn't built through heroic bursts of motivation. It's built through a million tiny little decisions that accumulate into something powerful. And when you start noticing your little wins and letting them count, you create a momentum loop that keeps pulling you forward.

You become the woman who says, Hey, look at me. I did the thing. [00:17:00] And that is how identity shifts and that is how change happens. Now before we wrap up, I wanna give you a moment to turn inward. Everything that we've talked about today, commitment, focus, identity, and those tiny wins only become powerful when you actually connect it to your life, your patterns, and your next steps.

So take a breath, let yourself settle for a second and ask yourself, what identity are you stepping into? Not the identity that you think you should have or the one that you've been chasing for years, but the one that feels aligned with the woman that you are and who you are becoming. Is it? I'm someone who honors my body.

I'm someone who follows through. I'm someone who keeps promises to myself. Let it be something that feels true or something that you want to grow into. [00:18:00] Next. What emotion reliably gets you moving? Besides motivation? Maybe it's commitment, maybe it's pride. Maybe it's a desire to feel calmer, clearer, stronger, more grounded.

Maybe it's the feeling of integrity, that sense that you're showing up for yourself. Motivation is a fickle beast. You have other emotional tools that are far more dependable, name them. And then finally, what is one small win that you can create for yourself today? Just one, not a full workout, not a perfectly planned menu, not a total overhaul, just one tiny step that moves you, a fraction of an inch closer to the woman that you're choosing to become.

Maybe it's walking to the mailbox, drinking a glass of water, going to bed 10 minutes earlier, choosing protein at one meal, texting a friend for [00:19:00] accountability. Now, whatever it is, let it be small and let it be enough. These reflections matter. They're the bridge between knowing what works and actually building a life where it all fits.

They're how you take today's conversation and turn it into an actual changeable life. Now, as we close out this conversation and this entire goal setting series, I wanna leave you with something that might feel a little uncomfortable, but it's the truth you need if you want real lasting change.

Motivation isn't your problem, it never has been. The real issue is that you've been trying to build habits on top of an already overflowing life. You've been placing your health goals on top of the spaghetti pile, hoping that the meatballs stay put, and then blaming yourself when they roll off. The minute life starts to get unpredictable, but nothing's wrong with you.

Your system [00:20:00] is wrong for your life. You don't need more discipline. You don't need a stricter plan, and you don't need to try harder. You need a structure that adapts to the realities of your life, the emotional load, the unpredictability, the family dynamics, the caregiving, the hormonal shifts, the stress, the decision fatigue, all of it.

You need a plan that honors your bandwidth instead of exhausting it. That's exactly why I created the LifeProof Your Health Handbook. It's the tool that teaches you how to make health the foundation of everything else in your life instead of the afterthought. It helps you to integrate your habits into your real routines, your real constraints, your real responsibilities.

It shows you how to create a system that bends with life. Instead of collapsing every single time something unexpected happens, it was built for women in [00:21:00] midlife. It was built for you. And inside the playbook you'll learn exactly how to identify what's actually getting in your way, how to create a sustainable structure that supports you, and how to build habits that are resilient, not fragile.

Now if you resonated with this episode, if you're tired of restarting, if you're ready to build health habits that finally stick, even when life isn't calm and quiet, the next right step is to download the Life Proof Your Health Playbook.

You can get it through the link in the show notes, give yourself the support that you deserve. Build a plan that works in your actual life and make this the year that your goals finally feel doable because they are. Alright. That's all I have for you today. Have an amazing day and I will see you next time.

Thank you for participating in the goal setting series.

Hey, before you go, if you're ready to stop forcing yourself into [00:22:00] someone else's idea of a healthy routine and discover your own, take a look at the Life Proof Your Health Playbook. It's a step-by-step guide that helps you to build a foundation that actually supports your life. Instead of competing with it inside, you'll learn how to create margin.

Plan with flexibility and anchor habits in a way that feels natural, not exhausting. You'll also get a full video and audio series so that you never feel lost along the way. To get the LifeProof Your Health Playbook, go to elizabeth sherman.com/life Proof Playbook and get your copy there and you'll find everything that you need in the show notes.

Let's make your health something that finally fits the life you have.