Frustrated with Your Health? Why Your Old Habits Are Holding You Back, And How to Break Free

You’ve tried. Over and over.

You set the goals. You make the plan. You tell yourself, This time will be different.

And yet… here you are, frustrated again. Staring at your closet, wondering why nothing fits the way it used to. Feeling exhausted despite doing all the “right” things. Beating yourself up because you should be able to get this under control by now.

The problem isn’t you.

It’s the way you’ve been told to approach your health.

Pushing Harder Isn’t the Answer

I recently read a book where the author shared a conversation with a friend who was a sex therapist. The therapist explained that when men come in worried about their performance, their first piece of advice is always: Definitely don’t try harder.

Yet, we’ve been told to do the same thing when it comes to health. “You’re not trying hard enough.” our 20 year old personal trainer tells us.

And so we double down, and tell ourselves, we just need to be more disciplined.

Try harder.

Because pushing harder—forcing yourself to follow a rigid plan, expecting perfection, ignoring what your body actually needs—never works. It just leads to more frustration, exhaustion, and eventually, giving up.

Many women fall into the trap of believing they need more discipline, more willpower, more restriction.

But what if the real answer isn’t pushing harder?

What if, instead of meeting someone else’s expectations about what you should be able to accomplish, you met yourself where you actually are?

What you’re actually capable of – right now, in this stage of life?

This shift—meeting yourself where you are instead of forcing yourself into an unrealistic plan—changes everything. It’s the difference between another failed attempt and lasting, sustainable health.

Keep reading. Because by the time you’re done, you’ll know exactly how to stop fighting yourself and start working with yourself for real, meaningful progress.

The Danger of the “Shoulds” in Your Health Journey

How many times have you said to yourself:

“I should be able to work out 5 times per week.”
“I should be able to lose 1-2 lbs per week.”
“I shouldn’t eat those candies.”

These thoughts run on a loop in your mind, telling you that if you just tried harder, if you were more disciplined, if you had more willpower—you’d finally have the body, the energy, and the health you want.

But where do these shoulds actually come from?

The Weight of Unrealistic Expectations

Most of these expectations were shaped years—sometimes decades—ago. Maybe it was a younger version of yourself who could go to the gym six days a week. Maybe it was a magazine article that promised a “10-day reset.” Maybe it was the fitness instructor who made it seem like everyone should be able to run a 5K.

Whatever the source, these shoulds aren’t based on your current reality. They don’t consider your actual life—the demands on your time, your energy levels, what you actually enjoy to do, or how your body has changed.

And yet, every time you fall short of these unrealistic expectations, the cycle continues.

You set the bar high.
You push yourself.
You can’t keep up.
You blame yourself.
You feel like a failure.

Stop Fighting Yourself. Start Working With Yourself.

Instead of chasing a version of yourself that may no longer exist, what if you worked with the person you are right now?

What if you focused on what’s actually possible for your life today?

Because when you drop the shoulds and meet yourself where you are, everything shifts. Health stops feeling like punishment and starts feeling like something that actually fits your life.

And that is how you create changes that last.

How Unrealistic Expectations Set You Up for Failure

Think back to the last time you set a health goal.

Did you base it on what you used to be able to do? 

Many women in midlife make the mistake of setting goals for their past selves. They expect their bodies to perform like they did in their 30s or 40s, before hormones shifted, before life got busier, before sleep started feeling optional.

They tell themselves:

• I used to be able to run three miles, so I should be able to do it again.
• I used to weigh 135 lbs when I got my drivers license, so that’s my goal.
• I used to eat a certain way, so I just need to get back to that.

And when reality doesn’t match the expectation?

They blame themselves.

The Frustration Cycle

This pattern is exhausting.

You set a goal based on an old version of yourself.
You push yourself to meet it.
You struggle or fail.
You assume you just need to “try harder.”
You feel frustrated and defeated.

This cycle keeps you stuck. It makes you believe you’re the problem, when really, the problem is the unrealistic expectation.

The Fix: Work With Your Body, Not Against It

Instead of trying to rewind time, what if you set goals that match where you are right now?

Sustainable health isn’t about chasing the past. It’s about working with your body as it is today.

And when you do that, progress becomes easier—because you’re no longer fighting against yourself.

The Power of Small, Achievable Changes

If you can’t do it perfectly, why bother?

That’s the lie so many women tell themselves.

You think if you can’t work out for an hour, you might as well skip it. If you eat one “bad” meal, the day is ruined. If you don’t follow your plan exactly, what’s the point?

This all-or-nothing mindset is one of the biggest reasons women stay stuck in cycles of frustration.

Small Wins Create Big Results

Here’s the truth: small, consistent changes lead to real, lasting progress.

Instead of forcing yourself into a massive overhaul, ask yourself: What’s one thing I can do today that moves me in the right direction?

• Can’t fit in an hour-long workout? Take a 10-minute walk.
• Struggling to eat healthier? Add one serving of vegetables to a meal.
• Feeling exhausted? Commit to going to bed 15 minutes earlier tonight.

These changes might feel insignificant, but they aren’t. Every small success builds self-trust—the belief that you can follow through, that you are capable of change.

Momentum Over Perfection

When you focus on what you can do instead of what you should do, progress becomes easier.

One small action leads to another. Success builds confidence. And before you know it, those small steps have turned into a completely different way of living.

Forget perfect. Start small.

Because small, achievable changes are what actually lead to big health results.

Why Self-Compassion Is a Health Strategy

Most women think they need more discipline. More willpower. More rules.

But the women who actually stick with their health habits long-term? They don’t beat themselves up when things don’t go perfectly. They practice self-compassion.

Self-Compassion Isn’t Letting Yourself Off the Hook

A lot of women think self-compassion means making excuses. It doesn’t.

It means acknowledging when things don’t go as planned and adjusting so that next time, you’re set up for success.

Example: You planned to work out but didn’t. Instead of saying, I failed, ask yourself:

• What got in the way?
• Do I need to reschedule it for later in the week?
• Was my plan too ambitious?

If your schedule is constantly getting in the way, you don’t need more discipline—you need a better plan. Maybe early mornings aren’t realistic, but a lunchtime walk is. Maybe an hour at the gym feels impossible, but 20 minutes at home works.

The same goes for eating habits. If you keep falling short of eating three servings of vegetables, instead of forcing it, ask yourself what’s actually doable. Maybe two servings are more realistic right now. That’s not failure—that’s learning what works for you.

Self-Compassion Helps You Stay Consistent

The goal isn’t to be perfect. It’s to keep showing up, making small adjustments, and learning what works for you.

Because when you stop criticizing yourself and start working with yourself, consistency becomes a whole lot easier. And that’s how you thrive in your 50s and beyond.

How to Start Meeting Yourself Where You Are

You don’t need another extreme plan. You don’t need to overhaul your life overnight.

You need a starting point that actually fits your life—not one that sets you up for failure.

Step 1: Get Honest About Where You Are

Take a minute to check in with yourself. Where are you really at right now?

• How much energy do you have for workouts?
• What does your eating look like most days?
• What feels like a stretch, and what feels impossible?

If you haven’t worked out in months, telling yourself you’ll hit the gym six days a week is a setup for frustration. If you’re grabbing takeout most nights, suddenly expecting yourself to cook every meal from scratch won’t last.

Being honest about your starting point isn’t failure—it’s the smartest thing you can do.

Step 2: Choose One Small, Doable Change

Instead of chasing perfection, ask yourself: What’s one next step that feels realistic?

• Instead of an intense workout, commit to a 10-minute walk.
• Instead of tracking every calorie, pay attention to when you’re full.
• Instead of forcing yourself to meal prep all week, add one vegetable to each meal.

Success doesn’t come from perfect discipline. It comes from small, consistent actions.

Step 3: Adjust as You Go

If something isn’t working, it doesn’t mean you failed. It means you’re learning what actually works for you.

Meeting yourself where you are isn’t about lowering your standards. It’s about creating a plan that fits your life today—so you can finally make progress that lasts.

The Role of Coaching in Sustainable Health Changes

You don’t need another diet. You don’t need more willpower.

You need support. You need someone who can help you see what’s actually getting in your way—and show you a different way forward.

That’s where coaching comes in.

Breaking Free from Diet Culture and All-or-Nothing Thinking

Most women have spent years believing that health has to be hard. That success requires suffering. That if they can’t go all in, it’s not worth trying at all.

A good coach helps you break out of that cycle.

Coaching isn’t about handing you another rigid plan. It’s about helping you figure out what works for you—your body, your lifestyle, your reality.

Real-Life Success: Shifting from Overwhelm to Consistency

I once worked with a client who told herself she had to work out for an hour. But every time she tried, she’d fail, feel guilty, and give up.

Through coaching, we reframed her goal: What if she just moved for 10 minutes?

That shift changed everything. She built confidence. She stopped seeing exercise as an obligation and started seeing it as self-care. And because the goal fit her real life, she stuck with it.

Why Coaching Works

A coach helps you stop fighting yourself and start working with yourself.

With the right support, you’ll stop seeing health as something to “fix” and start seeing it as a way to care for yourself—on your terms.

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Start Small, Start Now

If you take one thing away from this, let it be this: You don’t have to do it all at once.

The secret to lasting health isn’t about being perfect. It’s about meeting yourself where you are, making one small change, and staying consistent.

Ditch the Guilt. Drop the “Shoulds.”

Stop beating yourself up for not doing more. Stop holding yourself to impossible standards that don’t fit your life.

Instead, focus on what’s actually possible for you right now.

• A short walk instead of skipping exercise entirely.
• One balanced meal instead of an all-or-nothing diet.
• More sleep, more water, more self-kindness.

These small choices add up—and they’re what actually lead to big results over time.

What’s One Small Change You Can Commit to Today?

Not next week. Not when life slows down. Right now.

Choose something that fits your reality, not your past expectations. Write it down. Say it out loud. Commit to yourself.

Because thriving in your 50s and beyond starts with this moment, this choice. And you don’t have to do it alone.