232 – Life After Divorce with Valerie Simms

Valerie: [00:00:00] Initially when we’re separated or going through a divorce, our friends rally around us and our family, then there seems to be this point where they’re saturated with listening to you talk about you all the time, because, Friendship isn’t transactional.

There is a lot of reciprocity in it, but at some juncture, they don’t want to hear it anymore.

Elizabeth: Welcome to the Total Health and Midlife Podcast, the podcast for women over 40 who want peace with food, ease in their habits, and a body that they don’t have to fight with.

Hey there, and welcome to the Total Health and Midlife Podcast. I am your host, Elizabeth Sherman. Okay, so I want you to picture this. You’ve been in a marriage for years, maybe even decades. You’ve raised kids, built a life, and now you’re navigating divorce and wondering who even am I now? Today’s conversation is for the woman who feels like the rug has been pulled out from under her, whether you’re in the [00:01:00] middle of a divorce, thinking about one.

Or you’re years out and still feeling stuck. This episode is going to feel like a deep exhale. I am joined by Valerie Sims, a coach who’s part financial strategist, part spiritual guide, and 100% devoted to helping women rebuild their lives after divorce. She is someone who gets the emotional chaos, the practical overwhelm, and the identity shift that comes with this season of life.

Especially if your identity was wrapped up in being someone else’s wife or someone’s mom. And if you’re still angry or feel like you should be over it by now, quote unquote, Valerie’s gonna show you why that’s not your fault and what to do about it. This is one of those episodes where you’ll wanna grab a journal or maybe even hit replay, because if you’ve ever felt alone in this process, Valerie role will remind you.

You totally [00:02:00] are not. So let’s dive in.

All right, everyone. Welcome Valerie Sims to the total health in midlife podcast, Valerie. I am so glad that you got to join me today and I’m really excited about our conversation. So let’s start off with introduce yourself to the folks that are listening.

Tell them what you do, who you help, and we’ll just start it there.

Valerie: Awesome. Well, thank you for having me, Elizabeth. Lovely to be here and speak to all of you. Yeah, my journey really began when I experienced a divorce and I was a working mom and I was I thought everything was great and then everything went sideways and, I started to feel that this was really an underserved area of coaching or of skills because I didn’t feel that I needed [00:03:00] therapy and we can get into that a little bit as we go.

I didn’t need any financial advice or mindset coaching because I was a financial planner. So, I had a lot of areas covered. However, I started to see that there were several other ones that weren’t. And I, struggled for many years to, to find my place and the woman that I was going to become.

And, given me the opportunity to become. So I found that through my financial planning business, I ended up doing a lot of coaching and I ended up really narrowing down to just working with women. And I ended up working with women that were Divorced or single and trying. So, and I found, although I coached them on their finances, I ended up coaching them on.

education on, emotional issues and different practices. And I found it really started to grow and I enjoyed it. And I [00:04:00] found as I started to grow as a single woman, in her forties and single mother, I, became, a yoga teacher. I became a Reiki practitioner. I became a meditation teacher.

So I combined that right brain and that left brain together. And I resigned from my financial planning gig and started this coaching process. And it’s been about 10 years now. And I, although I can’t tell people what to buy with respect to investments, because I don’t work for a registered company anymore.

So my licenses don’t remain active. I’ve been able to take what I learned. Oh, it’s really like 25, 30 years of working in that industry and apply it to what I do, some really practical tactical work. And then taking my new found knowledge of spirituality and our mindset and our personal growth, providing an adaptive process.

So then I’m able to give this [00:05:00] whole type of coaching to my clients and I, so that’s where I came. It was birthed out of a need for me. Where I desired what I give now. So had I been able to meet someone like me back 20 years ago, I think the process would have been a lot easier, a lot quicker, a lot less painful.

So that’s really how this all evolved and, the desire to help women become empowered. A lot of women I work with, for whatever reason feel very, disempowered. Had this life they were expecting and something happens, and there’s a great deal of emotion and stress with it. The biggest part is providing the community for a woman to realize, Hey, I can rebuild.

It’s okay if it’s messy. It’s not going to be perfect. My ex husband might laugh at me, but I’m not to really worry about that, am [00:06:00] I? And just to help with that process. So that’s how it all came about.

Elizabeth: Yeah. So I have so many questions. First of all, I think like your mix of skills is completely fascinating.

So you said at the very beginning that you were going through a divorce and you found that you didn’t need financial advice cause you were already a financial planner and. You already had these other pieces, but there was something missing. Talk more about that. Something missing and how you serve your community in a way that.

Valerie: Yeah, the first thing I’ll say is emotional support, initially when we’re separated or going through a divorce, our friends rally around us and our family, then there seems to be this point where you’re, they’re saturated with listening to you talk about you all the time, because, Friendship isn’t [00:07:00] transactional.

There is a lot of reciprocity in it, but at some juncture, they don’t want to hear it anymore. They have their families, their husbands, your sister and your mother. They, they have their things they’re doing too. They can’t always be talking about you. So there seemed to be, and rightly so, at some point they can’t, every time they see you coming like, Oh, here we go.

Kind of thing. Although they love you. It just becomes a dream. So that emotional support of a place where, I could maybe say, okay, I’m off today. I need help with a reset or something like that because our family and friends love us, but they don’t always give the best advice because they don’t want to see you hurt.

And as a coach, I don’t want to see anyone hurt. Sometimes that’s where our biggest breakthroughs are when we just have, that sort of realization and other things around decision making, like, sometimes you’d be overwhelmed and like, how do I make all these decisions at once?

I need someone to hold me [00:08:00] accountable because it’s a very high stress time. And if you’ve ever made decisions. When you’re fully emotional, I know I have and not using any logic, you make bad decisions. You’re like, Oh man, I regret that. So that was the other thing, co parenting strategies, I have a son and he was a young son at the time and, being a mom and then all of a sudden your child is gone.

I had a week on week off and that was hard. Because he didn’t dress them like I did. So in my mind, that was wrong. Although with my son, he didn’t care, he didn’t care. He had clothes on, he didn’t care. So working around strategies like that to, to get. Oh, shoot. I gotta learn to live with this.

I have, it’s not going to be my way or the highway and communication skills, like how to communicate that as well, because so many people going through divorce it’s, [00:09:00] high tension, yelling, screaming, what have you it might make, it’s good for the real housewives of Beverly Hills or something.

It’s good TV for them. Yeah. But in real life, no, it’s not effective. Your kids are watching. They’re learning communication from you. You feel bad. It’s damaging to your soul and to the person you’re trying to become as such a setback. So that was another one. And although, obviously I’m not a lawyer, I can’t talk about legal.

However it’s so important to have some coaching around being prepared for these legal appointments. Like this is your life. You’re going to hear things that you’re not maybe going to agree with or understand and you’re going to have to capitulate on some of your issues. So, and so really just having some insight and I would say the biggest thing is being prepared, because the, lawyers are charging you for this service, and the more prepared you are the lower your bill is going to be and I know that sounds, emotionally charged situation [00:10:00] that sounds like I’m being very cold, but it’s facts.

So I’ve helped women, just to get their mindset around the fact that we do have to do this tactical work, this is not fun. It’s not pretty, but I helped to hold space for that. Again, the financial planning part, getting really clear about what money is and what it does for you and where it comes from, your credit card limit is not a goal.

It’s not a target. You try to hit every month, and just take, which is huge, especially if the woman isn’t working full time, or if she hasn’t been one looking after investments or whatever, when I was a financial planner, I did work with some couples and I would never meet with one without the other, because it really, it’s that important.

And, identity, self identity building, if you’re in a couple and then all of a sudden you have to go to a party by yourself. It’s odd. [00:11:00] It’s the oddest thing. Honestly, you don’t know what to do with your hands. You’re like, Oh, what do I do? That type of thing, a lot of self identity building and self worth and, helping to build, your support network again, that’s a huge part, like getting out there.

I don’t, necessarily work with dating. That’s not, there’s a lot of awesome dating coaches out there and I do refer, but it is a big part of it. And, goal setting and future forecasting, like, think about it. You’re so in this emotional, but it’s not going to last forever if you don’t let it. So, okay, this is your opportunity it I’m, I’m, I’m sorry this had to happen, but it’s an opportunity that you’ve been given or you happen to you.

You just sometimes got to make the best of it. So let’s plan a future together. And bringing in all kinds of my Reiki and my yoga to have, different types of energy healing so that you won’t be so stressed. And then maybe a year or two down the road, you can [00:12:00] put it behind you. I have some clients that have been, are just going through a divorce.

I have some women that have been divorced for 10 years. And they’re still angry. They’re still living as if they’re still married. They still haven’t let go. And these are beautiful souls. Lovely women have so much to contribute. So I work with anyone from that sphere on, and it’s very, it’s liberating for them.

It really is. And it’s an honor. It’s a best, basically a passion for me.

Elizabeth: Yeah. So as you were talking, I was taking notes. You saw, I was taking notes. And so I want to go back to a couple of these because I think that they’re really great and we can talk a little bit more about them. So like, for example, you’re one of the things I think is so important about coaching is that.

We often go to our friends for advice, our friends and our family, right? But. Typically, those people have opinions, and I can only [00:13:00] imagine that when it comes to a marriage, a divorce, that those people are going to have opinions about what you should and should not do so. And on both sides, right? Like, oh, you should leave him or, oh, you should stay together depending on where that person is in their own safety of their relationship.

And like, I can totally see that as a friend, your, or your friend would say like, oh, you should stick it out because they’re afraid of losing this couple friend. Right. And so I would have to imagine That’s like a really strong suit to work with a coach.

both: Oh, definitely.

Valerie: And also the extreme loss, cause some women lose all their friends.

Because for whatever reason, but once you become [00:14:00] single, you were maybe a fringe kind of friend and so you’re not part of that couple and that’s what they’re looking for. So you’re let out and left out in the cold and you thought, Oh, wow, this was a good friend.

And they’re probably a lovely person, more of an acquaintance, it’s, but it can be very devastating because no one asks you to go do things anymore.

Elizabeth: Yeah. Well, and I’ve heard that before that when people get divorced, that they lose their friendships because of whatever couple reasons whether it’s insecurity of their relationship or now that you’re not coupled anymore, therefore, You’re a threat or I’m not inviting you out because we’re going out as couples and I don’t want you to feel like the third wheel.

So

Valerie: a lot of rebuilding and that’s why, building your own social network at that point is so important because, there is a lot of [00:15:00] loneliness involved. And to be aware of that. Some people have, they might, people say, Oh, go out to some bars and go have some fun.

But it ends up maybe potentially being a depressing event or what have you. And maybe the odd time is fine, but to make a habit of it it’s really not going to get you propelled forward and, and then thinking about, and this would be more of the dating coach situation, but what kind of relationship do you want?

Like sometimes we really romanticize what we’re in a relationship, and that’s fine. However, Then. Once you get over this divorce and you start to rebuild, like, wow, I don’t want this. We all know what we don’t want, but what do we want? And to get really crystal clear on that. And, you’d be surprised at how many times we can manifest this new partner.

One client of mine wanted someone that and she garden and I forget all the different things she had, but [00:16:00] even the way they would hold her hand and all these types of things. And, we did this big manifestation and she tucked it away and later down the road, she did meet someone.

And after the relationship really settled into a quality relationship, she opened it up and many of the things that she had wanted were in fact on there.

no one: That’s amazing.

Valerie: Yeah, it is amazing. So it’s very, and it’s exciting. It’s empowering. It’s, it was lovely to see. Definitely.

Elizabeth: So I’m glad you brought up like the friendships.

But the other aspect that I wanted to go back to was that identity piece. Like that is really huge. Like identifying as a divorced woman and all of the shame in our society that goes along with that as well. Talk a little bit about that.

Valerie: Yeah. It’s so interesting, even in, this is recorded in 2025.

It’s still a thing. It is really a thing. And then [00:17:00] once you become single, oh, you’ve got to meet someone, you’ve got to meet someone, and it’s almost like, if you don’t have a gentleman in your life, you’re nothing, or what’s your problem, or that kind of thing. Yeah, it’s so bizarre to me.

So that’s why I really work on, that self identity. When you’re in a marriage, maybe you get lost sometimes and you’re over giving. So it’s an opportunity to look, how are you with boundaries, going forward in your next relationship or situation ship or whatever you want to go for.

You don’t have to get married again. What are your boundaries, what, where’s your morals, where’s your values, what is your limits and, not to be afraid to say, Oh, you know what? Okay. Thanks. I see where you’re coming from. However, this is my perspective, just learning again, that communication and, getting comfortable with not being in a couple that for some women is very hard, stressful.

Extremely stressful. So you just take baby steps to start [00:18:00] developing who you are and what you want to do. And, when we work in coaching, we have this container of time, usually six months I like to work in. So there’s, you can’t, we can’t cover everything. So we pick, we call it cycles of development, where we want to work on developing within that six months.

So a lot of times self identity self development is number one, cause it’s the foundation. Isn’t it really?

Elizabeth: Well, and I can only imagine that you also brought up the, I don’t want to say loneliness, but just the weirdness of co parenting when your child isn’t with you, if you identify as a wife and a mother, and then all of a sudden you are alone in your house.

You’re like, Oh, well, who am I, if I’m not a wife and a mother anymore? And so I can only imagine how important that is to figure out like, who is Valerie if she’s [00:19:00] not Jason’s mother or, whatever.

Valerie: Oh, a hundred percent. And I think a lot of times, through these kind of maybe rock bottom moments is where our growth comes from.

And I know it did for me. And then I started to, I would actually make notes about, okay, what are all those things? How you get really busy in life. You’re like, Oh, I just had some time. I refinish furniture or if I had some time, I’d go, to that library that I’ve always seen. That’s super cool looking.

Or if I had some time, I, I’d go to a museum or I, whatever it is you want to do, if I had some time I see these painting classes that people go to. So you start journaling. I’m a big journaler. Pen to paper. Really, that process really gets it in from your subconscious part of your brain.

Brings it to the forward and that’s where you start to make your changes. And I work with women to do that because that’s what I started to do. [00:20:00] Well, like I’d really like to be bike. I really want to bike, a hundred kilometers and special event or I really want to do a triathlon. I’ve never had time.

So I started to use all these things to propel my personality. With love, not blaming anybody and from there you meet people and you start to create your own tribe and you meet like minded people and then you’re having, invited to dinners and events and that loneliness starts to fill up and it starts to become fulfilling.

And then when you meet someone that fills your manifestation, it just evolves very easily. So I, which is really future planning, isn’t it?

Elizabeth: Yeah. Yeah. Well, I love that because then the approach that I hear you saying is taking is that you become whole and start to love yourself and be who you [00:21:00] are.

And through that, then. You start attracting others to you instead of like being like, Oh, I need to go out and find friends. And it just feels like filling your cup first. And then it overflows that where other people are like, I love what she’s doing. I want that. And you just then attract people that way.

Yeah,

Valerie: sure. And I remember the first time I joined this hiking group. Cause it’s just not safe to go hiking by yourself in the woods. And I found this group and I made some lifelong friends, people that are still in my world today and in my network and they’ve helped me so much.

However, I get to help them too. And then you become that person when you see the new woman show up, who was you 10 years ago. Yeah. You get an opportunity to give back and it’s that reciprocity, you’re like, Hey, welcome to the club. And, you got to make sure you come Tuesdays [00:22:00] and did you sign up for this or whatever?

And it just becomes more about giving instead of worrying about yourself all the time. And then you bringing more of that into your life and people that are giving.

Elizabeth: Yeah. So what are some of the misconceptions that folks have when they think about divorce coaching? Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely.

Valerie: Yeah, that’s so important.

One thing we are not is we’re not therapists. A lot of people unfortunately have come from a divorce situation. There could be trauma, there could be abuse, there could be a number of issues that need to be addressed by a therapist. It’s really not, it’s beyond my purview. My license right now.

Thanks. I don’t have the training for that. There’s amazing skilled people that are so dedicated to helping women through these types of issues. So that is a very, that’s, that’s Usually before someone joins me in my [00:23:00] coaching, we would have a conversation. And you know what, I would ask about that because I want people to come to me when they’re ready and not to waste their time or potentially make them feel bad.

So in a lot of times I would I do work with some therapists. Some therapists coach, some don’t. And so once their client is ready, then they’ll say, Hey, she’s ready to move on. So that’s the big thing. We compliment it, but we don’t replace therapy, especially when there’s issues.

Elizabeth: And so let me ask you, cause I always struggle with this answer and I’m wondering what you, say.

So how do you describe the difference between coaching and therapy?

Valerie: Certainly, coaching

is about moving forward. So I take, Elizabeth comes to me and I’m, I can take her through the steps or to her future with therapy. There’s been things in the past. Maybe there’s situations in the present that are triggering her that are causing her [00:24:00] distress or, depression.

Maybe there’s, needs, I don’t know, addictions or bad behaviors or what have you that are brought on by stress. Maybe medication needs to be involved, all those things. So the therapy part comes in for someone who has things from the past that are affecting the present and not allowing them to move forward or in their presence.

That’s not allowing them to move forward. And once they get. With a therapist and these are addressed in therapist says, you’re cool. Now you go call Val and get in with your coaching. Then we move forward.

Elizabeth: Yeah. I like the, idea of like, if you think about sports, like a physical therapist gets you back to baseline and a coach.

Makes you,

Valerie: Oh yeah, I love that so much though. And carrying on with that analogy, if you take the [00:25:00] person, Oh, just skip that physical therapy, get out there and play, they could be injured worse or they could re injure themselves and then have a super big setback and that’s not, it’s not healthy.

So yeah, that’s a perfect way of looking at it.

Elizabeth: Yeah.

Valerie: And I do encounter that sometimes.

Elizabeth: Yeah, and I know I’ve had plenty of clients who see a therapist at the same time as working with me as well. Me too. Yeah. Yeah.

Valerie: And I, I always ask them to tell their therapist that they’re working with the coach and if their therapist says, Hey, maybe wait for a bit, and then we do.

Yeah. Another big difference too is coaching isn’t really about a crisis I can’t coach you in a crisis Oh my God, I went to a party and I’m a hot mess and I was just so nervous and anxious and didn’t know what to do. I could give you some chat right away. But again, we need that container of time to work through cycles of development.

So we’re not [00:26:00] a crisis kind of thing that type of thing. So it’s not really a quick fix solution. And, again, just being neutral and in balance with the guidance in that area. If I don’t feel someone is open to that, or what have you, Who’s looking for a quick fix, then, that’s probably not the right, they probably do need to maybe talk to someone else first, but, I think that it’s, I work so closely with some therapists with their clients, you do, and it’s the best thing, because I’m not trained to, maybe refer to different therapies or what have you.

Elizabeth: Yeah.

Valerie: Yeah.

Elizabeth: So how would know a woman know to engage with you and to seek out your work?

Valerie: Yeah. A couple things come to mind when you’re overwhelmed a lot when there’s overwhelm and you have. You’re paralyzed with [00:27:00] that type of decision making have so many decision, make decisions to make.

That’s a good time to see a coach so that we can work on clarity when we can, make a list. Oh, you have a question.

Elizabeth: Yeah. I just had a question of, do women come to see you before they’ve actually filed for divorce or when they’re okay.

both: Yeah. Sometimes. So,

Valerie: everyone’s individual. So some women are very, they’ve decided and they’re going to file.

it’s just that personality type that kind of wants to proactively, maybe set their ducks up or before or what have you, they just have this sort of awareness that I will need this. As I mentioned, some people it’s 10 years down the road. Yeah. That type of thing. Yeah.

no one: Okay.

Valerie: then when you have this desire for growth, And you don’t know what to do, that stuck, what have you, I, that’s your signal.

Oh, I should probably get a coach, cause that will definitely speed things up when people are stuck in the [00:28:00] past, women find they’re constantly stuck in the past and maybe romanticizing, Oh, I’m have Christmas, just me. My aunt and my puppy dog or whatever. I wish I had that big family thing again, maybe, it was a really hyper tense Christmas and really not that enjoyable, but we have that Norman Rockwell,

Christmas card and when, and feeling isolated when, a woman is feeling perhaps isolated and seeking community.

And needing some of that guidance and support, like another kind of twig that, Oh, coaching would work for me. yeah, and

Elizabeth: you mentioned earlier anger. So like if you, I, what I hear you saying is like, if you feel like you should be over it already. And you’re not, maybe that’s a good time.

Valerie: Yeah. If you’re healthy and there’s been a lot of time, and like I say, you start to notice your friends and family they’re not really open to these discussions anymore [00:29:00] because, they want a friendship with you. They’re not your counselor. They’re not your coach type of thing.

And when you start to sense maybe some of that, or maybe you’re left out of things because you’re constantly in that living in the past or what have you. And, it happens. Don’t judge yourself this, unbiased, I’m not judging or what have you, but when you start to sense those type of thing, and now like some of your friends, if they say you need some help, you should talk to a coach or, maybe you need some coaching.

Take that don’t take that advice and maybe so, and then start to look around, and any type of if you’re having conflicts with the parenting kind of situation the co parenting or just really need some support. That’s what oftentimes, when, when a client comes to me, it’s like, I’m not really sure.

And that’s where we have the conversation and we determine, what really needs to be worked on first. Yeah.

Elizabeth: Interesting. So, do you have any suggestions [00:30:00] on steps that women can take to ensure they maintain their mental and emotional health during this whole process?

Valerie: Definitely like the first thing is get to your, get to a self-care routine. Like I, as Elizabeth, you’ve been on my show, the self-care show, it’s huge. Like it’s, you’re not being a queen bee or a princess or empress or whatever. Take care of yourself. I’ve had some women, I.

Light a candle, have a bath, have that time. And she was, one woman told me that she was doing her MBA at the time and she was going through a divorce and we were just starting at the basics and that her kid, her son laughed at her. What are you doing? And she’s like, I’m taking care of myself.

You’re fine. And it got to the point where he would say, Oh, do you want me to light the candle for you tonight, mom? Are you having a bubble bath? So, she was in essence helping her son realize that women need certain types of care and, some habits [00:31:00] of self care. And, emotional expression, too.

Like, really work on how you express your emotions. A lot of people in a marriage, and they’re just so angry. They’re so hurt. They’ve been so embarrassed in some situations. So just being mindful of how you express your anger and who you express it to. Just be aware. You don’t need to tell the lady standing beside you at the grocery store your whole life, situation, which a lot of women tend to do because they want that nurturing.

Oh, you’re going to be okay. Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. Just to be very mindful. Physical activity. I am a yoga teacher. Get your body moving. And I’m sure you would agree with that. You don’t have to go and do the advanced class. You can go to a restorative class, take your money and go.

You’ll meet cool people. You’ll meet a community of people that Are all about love and growth and [00:32:00] guidance, and you might even cry your first yoga practice. I know I did when I was going through it and, but that’s okay. It was a release and you come out calmer.

Elizabeth: Stop there for just a second.

And, I find with myself and with many of my clients that emotions. We have like two different like categories of emotions. We have emotions that want movement, and we have emotions that want to hide right like sadness and grief and shame and those ones you just want to go into your bedroom and put the covers over you.

Whereas anger, stress, anxiety, those types of emotions, like they need to move through your body. And so like, if you’re feeling those types of emotions, that’s where doing some movement can really be helpful.

Valerie: And I’ll just, also say with that. Be mindful if you’re going the other direction, if you’re running a marathon every morning before eight [00:33:00] o’clock, that’s an avoidance technique as well.

So it has to be, I guess we, we should say a balanced amount of physical activity.

Elizabeth: Yeah, absolutely.

Valerie: And also get into some sort of mindfulness practice, meditation. That’s when I took up meditating. Being in the airport and thinking, I got to do something. I was just so stressed. And I flew to California and I went to Deepak Chopra’s university and learned how to meditate and amazing 20 years.

So, cause our mind is so powerful. And so try go to a sound bath and you’re, go check that out or go to some sort of, I don’t know, different type of music symphony or something relaxing or different and journal. It’s a way you can rip it up afterwards.

If you’re worried, someone’s going to read it. It’s just a, it’s such a cathartic process of getting what’s on your mind out and then [00:34:00] getting on up into your mind where you want to go. It’s just a beautiful practice. And the last two things is eat a balanced diet. Honestly. Some women get so thin during this stressful time and that is so hard.

It’s hard on your

Elizabeth: heart. Divorce diet. Yes.

Valerie: Yes. It’s hard on your kidneys, and you, everyone says, Oh, you look so great. You’ve lost weight, but then there gets to be that point where it’s harmful. So I know I’ll be so mindful of how you’re eating. And if you go the other road. And do a drive through, routine, start, just be so mindful if that soothing is just temporary and it’s not going to get you forward to where you want to be and work on some light, figure out what you want in your life.

Spend some time reflecting on it,

get a tea or a coffee and go sit by the water or lake or a park or. Something like that and go, what the heck do I want? It’s like you’re in the store [00:35:00] and you can buy anything you want. We get to co create anything we want. So, divorce is unfortunate many times.

However, if we reframe it as to this opportunity to build something different may as well, you’re divorced. It’s not coming back. So, let’s work on putting something really powerful together.

Elizabeth: Yeah. Yeah. I think that there’s so much fear that goes along with it. And I just want to remind everyone who’s listening, like we can do hard things and oftentimes we will go five, 10, 20 steps ahead and like disaster rise, what’s going to happen up there.

But when we can just look at what’s the next step that I need to take and really work your way through it,

it’s. It’s going to be okay on the other side.

Valerie: Yeah, I love that. It’s just putting that one step in front of the other. And [00:36:00] before you know it, as we keep going, you’ve created something beautiful for yourself.

Elizabeth: Yeah.

Valerie: It’s like an artist with a blank canvas. They probably don’t always know what they’re going to paint.

I don’t think Van Gogh got up one day and said, I’m going to paint those haystacks, I’m sure it just comes. So yeah, that’s basically some of my pointers for some takeaways for today that you can start implementing yourself if anyone’s listening and in that situation.

Elizabeth: Yeah. Well, and when I was saying, you can do hard things. I was thinking about like how overwhelming it is, not just the divorce itself, but You know, as someone who is a former financial planner, like that whole thing can feel completely overwhelming having to do it all on your own. So like the fact that you’re there and supporting women through this process is so incredibly valuable.

So if you, or if someone that you love. Is thinking about divorce in the middle of a divorce, [00:37:00] whatever it is, know that there is help available.

both: Oh, definitely.

Valerie: And, I do have a course it’s I call it summer school. It takes place, it’ll probably take place in about July, late June, early July. And it’s finance one on one and, it’s just.

If you have a PhD in economics, it’s not for you, it’s just, it’s for my clients that really integral how a credit card works and how do you buy investment certificates and what’s a credit rating and all these things that people really need. It’s just the foundations, you might, you just might not know, so it’s not a big deal.

It might teach you. So look out for that. It’s fun.

Elizabeth: Yeah. Whenever I’m faced with something that’s feels overwhelming, I’m like, I know that there are people who are a lot less smart than me who have figured this out. So it is figureoutable.

Valerie: Yes. So true. And [00:38:00] I come from a family. My father was a chartered accountant and he taught finance and accounting at a university.

So I think for me, I just. I, all my life, this is what I’ve been taught to do and how to look after these things. So, but I probably couldn’t make a decent meatloaf or I don’t know, I can’t make puff pastry. You know what I mean? Or, I can’t ride a horse very well and we all have our thing, right?

Elizabeth: Right, right. Oh, amazing. So, is there anything else that you would like to share with folks who are listening?

Valerie: Yeah, I mean, I if anyone would like to hear a little bit more about what I do, potentially, just. You can email me, we’ll have our, my email in the show notes, valerie at mastery of balance.

com and look at, look for my, summer school offering that’s will be coming out very, in the summer, obviously, and, give it a go. The more you learn. It’s sometimes the more you learn, the better questions you [00:39:00] know to ask when you’re confronted in a situation and it’s very, I make it fun.

I laugh at myself and I try to make it as fun as possible but also, teaching some techniques and I find that my clients have been very happy with that and they’re able to either build on it or stay with that information as I say, know what questions to ask.

Elizabeth: So yeah, for anyone who’s listening, we are going to have all of Valerie’s information in the show notes and that link to summer school as well.

And so, thank you so much for joining us today. I really appreciate everything that you shared with us. I think that being a divorced woman is an area that is so underserved. So, thank you from all the women who, who needs your service. Yeah.

Valerie: Well, thank you. Thank you so much for having me and, letting me talk about is it’s my passion now.

It’s my calling now. And I think that it’s bigger edible as you say.

Elizabeth: Amazing. [00:40:00] Thank you.

Valerie: Thank you so much.

Elizabeth: Whew. That was such a powerful conversation, wasn’t it? What I loved most about talking with Valerie is how real and grounded she is. Like, yes, divorce is messy, emotional, and sometimes downright exhausting, but also it can be the beginning of something entirely new.

So if you’re in this season of life figuring out who you are now or how to move forward when your world feels upside down, here’s what I want you to remember. First, you don’t have to do it alone. There’s a difference between venting to a friend and getting support that actually moves you forward.

Valerie offers that kind of support. Also, you’re allowed to grieve and rebuild at the same time. You can feel loss and still feel excited about the future. They can coexist. That doesn’t make you broken. It makes you human.

If you wanna learn more [00:41:00] about working with Valerie, Make sure to check out the show notes for her contact information and details about her summer program, summer school, which walks you through the financial foundations that many of us didn’t learn growing up, but definitely need now.

And if this episode resonated with you or you know someone who needs to hear it, please share it. You never know who’s quietly struggling, and your share might be the thing that helps her to feel less alone. Thank you for listening to the Total Health and Midlife podcast. That’s all I have for you today.

Have an amazing week and I’ll talk to you next time. Bye-bye.

Elizabeth: Hey, so if you’ve been nodding along and thinking, okay, I know what to do, Elizabeth, I’m just not doing it. I have got something for you. It’s my free podcast listeners guide. It’s a curated roadmap to help you get started with the most helpful episodes based on exactly what you need right now. Go to elizabeth [00:42:00] sherman.com/roadmap and take the guesswork out of where to begin with the Total Health and Midlife podcast.