Why Willpower Fails: And Why “Trying Harder” Isn’t the Answer

Trying Harder Isn’t the Answer

You’ve probably told yourself this before: I just need more willpower. Maybe it was after a late-night snack you swore you wouldn’t eat. Or when you skipped the gym again because you were exhausted after work. Or when you promised yourself you’d start fresh on Monday…but then life got in the way.

If willpower was the answer, you’d already have this figured out.

But here’s the truth: White-knuckling your way through health changes doesn’t work—especially in midlife.

I learned this the hard way. Back when I was running 5Ks, counting every calorie, and following every rule I thought I should—I still wasn’t getting the results I wanted. I was constantly hungry, exhausted, and mad at myself for not having enough “discipline.” And the worst part? I believed it was my fault. That I just wasn’t trying hard enough.

Turns out, the problem wasn’t me. It was the approach.

So if you’ve been stuck in this cycle—setting health goals, trying to be “good,” and then beating yourself up when life happens—I want to show you another way. A way that actually works for your body instead of fighting against it.

Let’s talk about why willpower keeps failing you—and what to do instead.

The Real Problem

Ever wonder why trying harder never seems to work? You make a plan, swear you’ll stick to it, and then… life happens. Stress, exhaustion, unexpected curveballs—you end up right back where you started.

And then the worst part is that you blame yourself.

You think, If I could just be more disciplined. If I had more willpower. If I wasn’t so lazy.

But here’s the truth no one tells you: the problem isn’t you. The real culprits are much sneakier.

I learned this the hard way. Back when I first started trying to get healthy, I believed sheer effort was the answer. I’d meal prep like a pro, schedule my workouts down to the minute, and set ridiculously high expectations for myself. But then the everyday mental load—work deadlines, family obligations, feeling drained before I even started—would knock me off track. By Thursday, I’d be standing in the kitchen, exhausted, eating cereal straight from the box because who has the energy to cook?

And you know what I did next? I beat myself up for it.

But here’s what I wish someone had told me sooner: Willpower doesn’t stand a chance against chronic stress, decision fatigue, and emotional exhaustion. If you’re overwhelmed, if your brain is constantly running through to-do lists, if you’re always the one carrying the load for everyone else—it’s no surprise you don’t have the bandwidth left to meal plan or get to the gym.

That’s the real villain: not a lack of discipline, but the weight of everything else you’re managing.

So instead of trying harder, what if you took a different approach? One that actually works with your life instead of expecting you to power through exhaustion?

Because you don’t need to try harder. You need to clear the roadblocks.

You Don’t Need Another Diet.

You don’t need more willpower.

You don’t need another set of rules telling you when to eat, how much to exercise, or why you should just “push through” the exhaustion.

What you need is a different approach—one that actually fits your life.

I know this because I used to be stuck in that same cycle. Years ago, I was logging every calorie, running myself into the ground at the gym, and still feeling like I was failing. I remember standing in my kitchen, staring at an empty box of protein bars, wondering why can’t I just get it together? The frustration, the guilt, the exhaustion—it all piled on.

The real problem? I was trying to force my body into a system that was never built for me.

That’s where coaching comes in.

As a midlife women’s health coach, I don’t hand out one-size-fits-all meal plans or bark orders about exercise. I help you figure out what actually works for you—your energy levels, your hormones, your schedule, and your goals. We take a holistic approach to wellness, tackling everything from stress to sleep to emotional eating, because real change isn’t just about food and exercise.

It’s about creating sustainable lifestyle changes that actually stick.

This isn’t about willpower—it’s about strategy. It’s about learning how to listen to your body, stop battling yourself, and make choices that feel good long term.

If you’re tired of feeling like you’re failing, I want you to know—you’re not. You just need a new approach. One that puts you in the driver’s seat.

Ready to take the first step? Let’s talk.

The Plan: Small Steps, Big Results

You know that feeling when you’re trying so hard to get healthy, but no matter what, something knocks you off track? You start with the best intentions, but life—stress, exhaustion, other people’s needs—always seems to get in the way.

And then, the guilt creeps in.

So you push harder. More rules. More restrictions. More beating yourself up.

But here’s the truth: Trying harder isn’t the answer. Trying smarter is.

I learned this the hard way. Years ago, I was convinced that if I just forced myself into the right routine—tracked my calories, hit the gym five times a week, eliminated all the “bad” foods—then I’d finally have the energy and confidence I wanted. But I was miserable. Exhausted. And honestly? I still wasn’t getting the results I thought I should. It took me years (and a lot of trial and error) to figure out that real change doesn’t come from more rules—it comes from building sustainable habits that actually fit your life.

So, how do you actually do that?

1. Start Smaller Than You Think

Most people try to change everything at once—new diet, new workout, new bedtime routine, all starting Monday. And most people burn out by Wednesday. Instead, shrink the goal until it feels almost too easy. If you’re not drinking enough water, start with just one extra glass a day. If movement feels overwhelming, commit to a 5-minute stretch before bed.

Progress isn’t about doing everything at once—it’s about stacking tiny wins.

2. Lower the Bar on Hard Days

Not every day is a “green smoothie and 10,000 steps” kind of day. And that’s okay. The trick isn’t perfection—it’s knowing what your bare minimum is. On days when you’re exhausted or stressed, what’s the smallest thing you can still do for yourself? Maybe it’s drinking that extra glass of water. Maybe it’s taking three deep breaths before rushing into the next task. Small steps still count.

3. Link Habits to Something You Already Do

Want to start a new habit? Attach it to an existing one. Drink a glass of water while your coffee brews. Stretch for 30 seconds after brushing your teeth. Take a deep breath every time you sit down at your desk. The easier a habit fits into your existing routine, the more likely it is to stick.

4. Shift from “All or Nothing” to “Something is Better Than Nothing”

Skipping a workout doesn’t mean your whole day is ruined. Eating one cookie doesn’t mean the whole week is a waste. One choice doesn’t define your progress—what you do next does. Instead of aiming for perfect days, aim for better days.

Because that’s how you build real, lasting change—not by pushing harder, but by making things easier on yourself in the right ways.

Ready to Make It Easier?

If you’ve been stuck in the cycle of trying harder and feeling like you’re failing, I want you to try this instead: Pick one small, ridiculously easy habit to start today. Then build from there.

Because real change isn’t about willpower—it’s about creating a life where feeling good is the default.

The Transformation: What Success Looks Like

You know that feeling when you wake up, already exhausted, and the day hasn’t even started? Like you’re running on fumes, trying to “do better,” but no matter how much effort you put in, nothing really changes?

That stops here.

Because success in midlife isn’t about pushing harder. It’s about shifting how you approach your health, your habits, and—most importantly—yourself.

For years, I thought the answer was discipline. I tracked every calorie, forced myself to work out even when I was running on empty, and beat myself up every time I “messed up.” I remember standing in my kitchen at 10 p.m., staring at the empty wrapper of a protein bar I didn’t even want, feeling completely out of control. The next morning, I’d step on the scale, hoping for validation, only to feel defeated all over again.

It took me way too long to realize: the problem was never my effort—it was my strategy.

When you stop treating your body like a problem to fix and start treating it like a partner to take care of, everything shifts. Imagine waking up feeling rested—not dragging yourself out of bed. Picture getting dressed without picking apart your reflection. See yourself walking into a room with energy, not weighed down by exhaustion, self-doubt, or the nagging voice telling you you’re not doing enough.

This isn’t about willpower. It’s about working with your body instead of against it.

And when you get that right? You don’t just reignite your vitality in midlife—you rediscover yourself. The things that used to drain you? They start to feel easier. The hobbies you set aside? They become exciting again. That future version of you—the one who feels confident, capable, and fully in charge of her own well-being?

She’s closer than you think.

You don’t have to figure this out alone.

I used to think if I just tried harder—if I stuck to the plan, white-knuckled my way through cravings, and forced myself to the gym—I’d finally get the results I wanted. But all that did was leave me exhausted, frustrated, and still feeling like I was doing something wrong.

Turns out, I wasn’t the problem. The approach was.

If you’re tired of spinning your wheels, let’s do something different. Let me help you make this a reality. Schedule your free I know what to do, I’m just not doing it, strategy call now. Because you don’t need to try harder. You need a plan that actually fits you.