Are You Holding Yourself Back?
We all know that moderation is important, but sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference between a real reason for changing your plan and an excuse that keeps you stuck. That’s where things get tricky.
Here’s an example: You blow off your workout to get some extra sleep. Or you decide to go out for lunch instead of eating the meal you packed. On the surface, both of these decisions might look like you can’t be trusted to follow through on your commitments. But when we look under the hood at why you made that choice, things start to shift.
If you skipped your workout because your partner was up all night sick and you needed rest to function, that’s a thoughtful decision, not an excuse. If you went out to lunch because a good friend—one you rarely get to see—had a last-minute opening in her schedule, that’s not just blowing off your plan.
This is the gray area where most women struggle. You want to be flexible, but you also don’t want to let yourself off the hook too often. So how do you know when you’re making a reasonable choice versus falling into a pattern of justifications?
That’s what we’re going to unpack today. I’ll walk you through three common mistakes that keep women stuck and three ways to tell if you’re making a smart decision or just talking yourself into an excuse. By the end, you’ll have a clear way to navigate these moments with confidence and trust in yourself.
3 Mistakes That Keep You Stuck
Mistake #1: Letting the “All or Nothing” Mindset Take Over
One of the biggest mistakes that keeps women stuck is the all or nothing mindset. It’s that little voice in your head that says, If I can’t do it perfectly, why bother at all?
Maybe you planned to work out four times this week, but by Wednesday, life got in the way and you missed two. Instead of picking back up where you left off, you decide the week is already ruined, so you’ll “start fresh” on Monday. Or you eat something off-plan at lunch and figure you’ve already blown it, so why not order takeout for dinner too?
This kind of thinking leads to self-sabotage because it doesn’t leave room for real life. Nobody is perfect all the time. The truth is, small, imperfect actions still move you forward. One missed workout doesn’t undo your progress—quitting because you missed a workout does. One unplanned meal won’t wreck your health—falling into the pattern of saying, I’ll start over next week might.
The key is learning how to reset quickly. Instead of letting a slip turn into a downward spiral, ask yourself, What’s the next best choice I can make? Progress happens in the middle ground—not in perfection or in giving up. When you let go of the all or nothing mindset, you stop restarting every Monday and start building real momentum toward your goals.
Mistake #2: Using “Self-Care” as a Justification for Avoiding Effort
Self-care is important—but not when it becomes a cover for avoiding the things that actually help you feel better in the long run.
Maybe you tell yourself you need to skip a workout because you’re tired, but if you’re being honest, you’ve been using that same excuse all week. Or you decide to treat yourself to a big bowl of ice cream after a stressful day, even though you know it won’t actually make you feel better. In these moments, “self-care” starts to look a lot like avoiding discomfort.
True self-care isn’t just about what feels good in the moment—it’s about making choices that support your health and well-being over time. That doesn’t mean pushing yourself to exhaustion. It means finding a middle ground. If you’re too tired for an intense workout, maybe a short walk or gentle stretching is a better choice. If you’re craving comfort food, maybe you find a way to enjoy it in a way that still aligns with your goals.
Ask yourself, Is this choice actually caring for me, or is it just letting me off the hook? Real self-care is about treating yourself with kindness while still holding yourself accountable. It’s about recognizing when you truly need rest—and when you’re using “self-care” as a way to avoid putting in the effort that will help you feel better in the long run.
Mistake #3: Telling Yourself “It Doesn’t Matter”
We’ve all said it before—It doesn’t matter.
A handful of chocolate-covered almonds here. Skipping a workout there. Saying yes to dessert when you’re already full. In the grand scheme of things, these small choices don’t seem like a big deal. And in isolation, they aren’t. But when you repeat these little decisions over and over, they add up. And not in your favor.
This is where “all things in moderation” gets twisted against us. Moderation does matter, but not when it’s used as an excuse to avoid making the choices we know will lead to our success. The problem isn’t the one handful of almonds—it’s the habit of grabbing them mindlessly every night. The problem isn’t skipping one workout—it’s how easy it becomes to skip again the next time you don’t feel like it.
Progress isn’t built on any one decision—it’s built on patterns. And the truth is, those tiny choices matter far more than we like to admit. Instead of asking yourself, Does this one decision matter?, try asking, If I keep making this choice over and over, where will it lead me?
Because at the end of the day, the little things we do—or don’t do—are what determine our results.
3 Ways to Tell If You’re Making a Reasonable Choice or an Excuse
1. Two Questions to Ask Yourself:
What would I do if I loved myself? This one question can change everything.
When you’re faced with a decision—whether it’s skipping a workout, reaching for an extra handful of snacks, or saying yes to another glass of wine—pause and ask yourself: What would I do if I loved myself?
This question takes you out of guilt and self-judgment and shifts your focus to self-compassion. Loving yourself doesn’t mean letting yourself off the hook every time something feels hard. It means making decisions that take care of you in the long run, not just in the moment.
If you’re truly exhausted, loving yourself might mean skipping the workout to get more rest. But if you’re just not in the mood, self-love might look like doing a shorter, more gentle workout instead of skipping it entirely. If you’re craving a treat, loving yourself doesn’t mean restricting or denying it—it means choosing to enjoy it in a way that aligns with your goals, rather than eating mindlessly and feeling regret later.
Another way to approach this is to ask: How do I want to show up in this relationship? That relationship could be with yourself, your body, your future self—or even the example you’re setting for others. No one wants to be the woman who never eats ice cream because she’s terrified of gaining weight. But you also don’t want to be the woman who mindlessly eats sweets every night and wonders why she’s not seeing results.
There’s a balance, and it starts with self-respect. When you act from a place of self-love, your decisions become clearer. You stop negotiating with yourself and start making choices that support the version of you that you want to be.
2. Consider the Long-Term Impact of Your Choice
When making a decision, ask yourself: Am I choosing based on how I feel right now, or how I want to feel tomorrow—or next week?
Short-term comfort is tempting. After a long day, it’s easy to say, I’m too tired to prep meals tonight. I’ll just figure it out later. But later always comes, and suddenly, it’s midweek, you’re starving, and the only option is takeout or whatever’s easy. That one night of skipping meal prep turns into a week of struggling with food choices, feeling frustrated that you’re not making progress.
The same thing happens with movement. You don’t feel like working out today, so you skip it. One skipped workout isn’t a big deal, but when skipping becomes the default, you wake up a month later feeling sluggish and wondering why nothing’s changing.
Short-term choices add up. When we only focus on what feels good in the moment, we sacrifice how we want to feel in the long run. Instead, try flipping the script. Ask yourself: If I keep making this choice over and over, where will it lead me?
That doesn’t mean forcing yourself to push through exhaustion or ignoring your needs. It means making decisions that your future self will thank you for. Sometimes, that means getting rest. Sometimes, it means getting up and doing the thing you don’t feel like doing—because you do care about where you’re headed.
3. Notice How You Feel After Making the Decision
One of the best ways to tell if you’ve made a reasonable choice or just given yourself an excuse is to pay attention to how you feel afterward.
If you feel a sense of relief but also nagging guilt, that’s a red flag. That usually means you talked yourself into a decision that felt good in the moment but doesn’t align with your bigger goals. Maybe you skipped your workout, telling yourself you “needed the rest,” but now you’re second-guessing whether that was true—or just convenient. Maybe you grabbed a handful of cookies and told yourself, It doesn’t matter, but now you’re annoyed that you keep falling into the same pattern.
On the other hand, when you make a decision from a place of self-trust, you feel at peace with it. If you decide to skip a workout because you’re truly run down and need the recovery, you don’t spend the rest of the day beating yourself up. If you turn down a social event because you’re exhausted, not because you’re avoiding it out of anxiety, you feel good about prioritizing your well-being.
Guilt and relief together? Probably an excuse.
Peace and alignment? That’s a valid reason.
Start paying attention to how your choices make you feel—not just in the moment, but afterward. That’s how you build self-trust and start making decisions that support the life you actually want.
It’s Time to Make a Change
The difference between a valid reason and an excuse isn’t always obvious in the moment. But when you take the time to look at why you’re making a choice—and how you feel afterward—you start to see patterns.
Excuses often feel like short-term relief but lead to long-term frustration. Valid reasons feel like self-respect and alignment with your goals. The key is building self-trust through intentional decisions. Asking yourself What would I do if I loved myself? shifts your mindset from guilt to self-compassion. Considering how this choice will affect my future self keeps you from getting stuck in cycles of short-term comfort. And noticing how you feel after a decision helps you recognize when you’re making progress—or just talking yourself into a bad habit.
You don’t have to be perfect, but you do have to be honest with yourself. If you’re tired of feeling stuck, it’s time to start making choices that support the version of you that you want to be.
For more insight, listen to the full podcast episode. And if you want a clear, simple way to build healthier habits, download my 8 Basic Habits That Healthy People Do Guide and Checklist to start making better decisions today.