Have you ever set out a goal for yourself, and then gone and done something that completely goes against that goal?
Self-sabotage happens when our sub-conscious mind is at odds with our conscious mind.
And we don’t even realize that we’re doing it!
It’s only later, when we think, “Why did I do that?!?” And most of us don’t even have that much self-awareness. We just think that it’s something that ‘happened’.
Here’s a really common example:
You’re on a new eating plan. You have food in your house that supports your new goals, yet you decide to have food delivered – or go out to pick something up that is TOTALLY NOT in alignment with your goals.
The food you have on hand is available, there isn’t much prep work needed, and it would be faster to eat what you have (not to mention cheaper) than going out for something different.
OR
You decide to waking up earlier so that you can be more productive – getting up before anyone else in the house, and getting things done before the chaos of the day kicks in. Yet, you find yourself still scrolling through Facebook or Pinterest at 1:00 am.
OR
(and this is one that I JUST did) You have a really important meeting – with someone who can really help your business, but you put it in your calendar at the wrong time, so you miss it.
What’s going on?
Self-sabotage is when we say we want something and then go about making sure that it doesn’t happen.
And yes – sometimes it can just be us flaking out.
BUT when it happens repeatedly, we want to look at why you are resisting this change.
Resistance – knowing that we *should* be doing something, but we’re not doing it.
Resistance and self-sabotage go hand in hand. Resistance can also look like procrastinating. So, if you find yourself procrastinating, here are the steps that you want to take to overcome your self-sabotage and finally be successful.
1) get curious – instead of berating ourselves for wasting time, or going off plan, get curious about it. Notice your self-talk.
“I know I’m supposed to go to the grocery store today, but I can do that later. Right now, I’d rather watch Real Housewives even though I’ve already seen this episode.”
2) ask why – and be really honest with yourself – “I just felt/didn’t feel like it.” is a shitty answer that isn’t going to get you any closer to figuring out how to accomplish your goal.
Most likely, there’s some discomfort there – because change is uncomfortable. Its worth exploring what the discomfort is about. What exactly is uncomfortable?
“I’m unsure of what I’m doing. I was so clear when I met with my coach, but now I’m not so sure – it all feels fuzzy. So, I’m just NOT going to do anything.”
3) ask how *not* achieving the goal benefits you – so this is where things really get interesting.
Our brain’s job is to keep us safe and alive. So, when we’re doing something uncomfortable, our brain immediately perceives that as pain, and it is the brain’s job to avoid pain.
Even though we KNOW on a conscious level that advancing our career is going to provide better opportunities, it’s uncomfortable, and our brain subconsciously wants to keep us safe. So, it avoids that discomfort.
Its at the opposite end of that discomfort that we will discover our answer in how *not* achieving that goal will serve us.
“If I lose weight, then I will be more attractive to my partner/potential partners. Which is pretty freakin’ scary.”
4) notice any limiting beliefs – limiting beliefs will show up as stories, or things that we say to ourselves that we hold as true, but might not be. Often, we don’t even realize we’re telling ourselves these stories – they’re either phrases that we’ve heard our parents say, or ways that we just believe things are.
Common stories for health & weight loss are:
- I don’t like vegetables
- I can’t get below 150 lbs
- I don’t have time/I’m too busy
- I don’t deserve it
- Its my genetics
And those ‘stories’ may all sound very believable – but if we can find one vegetable that we like, or a situation when we DID get below 150, weren’t too busy, or DID deserve (it), then we can start to see that this is a ‘story’ we’re telling ourselves, a story that is holding us back.
Our subconscious mind is the one that hears these untruths that we think. Our subconscious mind is the one that is sabotaging our success.
When we’re able to reprogram our subconscious mind to believe our conscious thoughts, then (and only then) will we be successful in our goals.
I know – this is some deep stuff. But my clients who do this work are extremely brave to do it. It’s uncomfortable because it challenges those things that we’ve been taught – we *think* that what it takes to be successful with our health is a new diet or workout. But the truth is that what it takes to be successful is a new way of thinking – about ourselves & about the world around us.
If you’re interested in exploring this topic further, Download my FREE guide: How to get the body you desire without giving up everything that brings you joy. In the accompanying videos, there are definitely some juicy tidbits in it – like why we sabotage ourselves & how to stop.