Total Health in Midlife Episode #175: Deciding Ahead of Time

Are you tired of setting health goals that you never meet? Do you ever wonder why, despite knowing exactly what you need to do, you just can’t seem to do it? If that’s the case, you are so not alone, and it’s not because you lack discipline or motivation.

Today on the podcast, I am uncovering a transformative approach that bridges the gap between intention and action. We will dive into why deciding ahead of time is not just a strategy, but a revelation that could change how you live your entire life.

Don’t miss out on uncovering the hidden reasons behind your health habits and learn how to finally align your actions with your goals. Tune in right now because understanding this could be the key to unlocking your healthiest self. You do not want to miss this.

Welcome to Total Health and Midlife, the podcast for women embracing the pivotal transformation from the daily grind to the dawn of a new chapter. I’m Elizabeth, your host and fellow traveler on this journey.

As a Life and Health Coach, I am intimately familiar with the changes and challenges we face during this stage. Shifting careers, changing relationships, our new bodies, and redefining goals and needs as we start to look to the future and ask, what do I want?

In this podcast, we’ll explore physical, mental, and emotional wellness, offering insights and strategies to achieve optimal health through these transformative years.

Yes, it’s totally possible.

Join me in this amazing journey of body, mind, and spirit, where we’re not just improving our health, but transforming our entire lives.

Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of the Total Health in Midlife podcast. I am your host, Elizabeth Sherman. And today, we are diving into a topic that just might change how you approach your health and your daily habits. I am so excited to share this with you. And I’m quite honestly, shocked that I haven’t I’ve addressed this before in the podcast.

So, it’s about a strategy that I use both personally, and in my coaching, and it’s called deciding ahead of time. Now, this tool is one of the best and most consistent tools that I use within my coaching. I see this over and over and over again and I want to share it with you today.

Let’s face it. Many of us know what we should be doing to improve our health, right? Whether it’s eating better, more vegetables, exercising more, or getting better sleep. We know what to do. But there’s a gap in there, isn’t there? A gap between knowing and actually doing.

So, you might find yourself saying I know what to do but I just don’t do it and if that sounds like you, you are not alone. This is a common frustration for many folks, and it often leads to feelings of being undisciplined or self-critical. You might even label yourself as lazy.

Now, just be aware that episode 164 is titled, ‘I Know What to Do, I’m Just Not Doing It.’ And so, if you want to learn more about this topic, go and listen to that. Not necessarily first, but it works really well in tandem with this episode.

But here’s the thing, you are so not lazy. What’s missing is a deep understanding of why you’re not following through. Why, despite your best intentions, you end up not doing the things that you’ve committed to.

That’s where the power of deciding ahead of time comes in. It’s about setting clear intentions and plans that aren’t just aspirational but are realistically aligned with who you are and what you can manage in your daily life.

In my coaching, I have seen how this simple yet profound strategy that I’m sharing today helps to uncover self-sabotage and reveals the often subconscious objections that we have against doing the things that we consciously so want to do. Those things that seem simple and we’re baffled as to why, why don’t I do this?

By planning ahead and understanding these internal conflicts, we can start to reduce the friction in our lives. We make the healthier choice, the easier choice, and the less healthy path becomes less appealing.

Why is this important? Because when you decide ahead of time, you commit to a decision when you’re at your best, when you’re thinking about it clearly, emotionally, and mentally. You’re able to see the consequences of your actions. You’re not making a choice in the heat of the moment, but rather from a place of foresight and strength. And this reduces the mental load every single day and helps you to build trust in yourself that is essential for any lasting change.

So, what is deciding ahead of time? Deciding ahead of time is about planning. It’s about anticipating what’s going to happen, and then deciding to act accordingly. It works in tons of different situations. It goes way beyond just deciding that you’re going to do something. It’s about specifying exactly what you will do, how you will do it, and when it’s going to happen.

This approach is crucial, not just for big goals, but for the everyday choices that shape our lives. Like eating, like exercising and managing our time. Let me give you a few concrete examples. Say, you commit to exercise three times a week. Rather than a vague intention, like we all do, Oh, I’m going to work out three times this week.

You explicitly specify on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at 7:30am, I am going to exercise. I’m looking at my calendar. Monday is going to be a 30 minute walk. Wednesday is workout number 5 from Elizabeth’s 20 minute workout series. And Friday, I’m going to go and do a 45 minute yoga session from this specific YouTube video.

This level of detail is key. It transforms a well-meaning intention into a clear, actionable plan. Now, this matters because when plans are vague, it’s all too easy to push them aside, to not be accountable to yourself because although you said you were going to work out. That’s not enough of a plan to know if you’re following it or not, until it’s too late, until the week is over. And you’re like, Oh, I said I was going to work out three times, but now, I can’t.

So, you might think, I’ll work out three times this week, but without the specifics, life’s chaos has a way of creeping in. And before you know it, the week is over, and you haven’t even met your goal.

When you decide ahead of time, any deviation from the plan becomes obvious in the moment. If you are not exercising at 7:30 on Monday morning, you know it. You immediately notice when you’re not following through, and this visibility forces you to confront the real reasons behind your resistance.

This concept also extends to how we manage how we eat, like eating treats, drinking water, or including vegetables. Now, as far as treats are concerned, I always suggest to you and to my clients to include treats in your meal plans intentionally.

So, for instance, if you decide ahead of time that you are going to enjoy 4 Oreos on Friday afternoon at 3 o’clock, then when Friday comes, you’re simply following the plan. Not making this impulsive decision influenced by your mood or stress.

The enlightening part is, if I want Oreos but they aren’t on the plan, it’s crucial here to explore the ‘why.’ Why do I want those Oreos? If it’s not part of the plan, what is driving that craving? So, understanding resistance is another critical aspect of this strategy. We often overestimate our future selves enthusiasm or discipline.

We always tend to think that the future version of ourselves is way more disciplined and perfect than we are. Tomorrow, Elizabeth, she’s going to want to go running at 6 a. m. Even though, every fiber of your being hates running and doesn’t like getting out of bed before 7. How much is that going to work out?

Or you might assume that you’ll be able to resist that chocolate, just completely effortlessly. Despite having a long standing daily habit of eating chocolate at 3 o’clock in the afternoon. Recognizing that you’ll likely face resistance is vital. It’s crucial. It’s so important. It prepares you to meet it head on, and crucially to proceed with your plan anyway, knowing that you can adjust as you need to.

In essence, deciding ahead of time sets you up to reduce the friction between your intentions and your actions. It makes the healthy choice the easier choice by removing last minute decision making and highlighting where your real resistances lie.

Let’s talk about self-trust. I have a whole episode called, ‘Building the Skill of Self-Trust’ and it’s episode number 78. But just to review, building self-trust is three parts. The first part is setting yourself up for success, part two is following the plan, and part three is having your own back when things don’t turn out as you’d planned.

Let’s go through all of those. Learning how to set yourself up for success is a super important step in the journey towards building self-trust and developing lasting, healthy habits. It’s about creating plans that are not only realistic, but also enjoyable. Recognizing that we can actually enjoy the process of achieving better health.

We don’t have to be perfect all the time, and a little bit of imperfection might just make the whole process not only more enjoyable but easier to stick to our goals. So, many of us fall into the trap of becoming a total jerk to ourselves when it comes to our health habits. We operate under the mistaken belief that we just need to try harder, equating self-discipline with a kind of punitive toughness.

But what if instead of tough love, we practiced compassion? Most women I talk to don’t like compassion. I used to see it as weakness, that if I was compassionate with myself, I would automatically become complacent. But that is just not true. Setting ourselves up for success means developing strategies that build self-trust. Making it easier for us to meet our goals, not through sheer willpower, but through thoughtful preparation.

Self-trust is cultivated by proving to ourselves that we can follow through. This starts with setting small achievable goals. This is not the time for stretch goals. For instance, if you want to incorporate more exercise into your day, instead of deciding to run an hour every day for three times this week when you haven’t run in a month. You might want to start with walking 15 minutes each day or whatever you’ve been doing consistently. These small steps are significant, and they add up to solidify your confidence in your ability to commit.

Now, one powerful question I ask both myself and my clients is, what do I wish the past version of me would have done to make this easier? This question helps me think about how I can prepare my future self for success.

For example, if I’m making dinner and things aren’t already cut up, I might think, while I had all of that time on Sunday, I really wish that I had done this. I had thought about it, and I had done this ahead of time. Or if you’re planning to work out in the morning, laying out your workout clothes the night before can help to remove barriers and reduce morning stress, making it far more likely that you will follow through.

In episode number 168, titled ‘Evaluating Our Mistakes,’ I talked about how looking back at our past actions and understanding why they didn’t work out is crucial. This insight is important because it informs how we can better prepare ourselves for our future success.

For example, if you plan to have stew for dinner, but then the weather changed to be a gorgeous sunny, 85 degree day. Of course, you’re not going to want to eat hot stew. The lesson there is to look at the weather forecast when planning meals so that what you plan intersects with your tastes and your moods.

A super common obstacle in setting realistic plans is our tendency to overestimate our future motivation or time availability. We often believe that our future selves will somehow be more capable, disciplined, or have more time. Now, this type of thinking leads us to unrealistic expectations and sets us up for failure.

So, for instance, you might think, next week, I’ll start going to the gym every day after work. But this doesn’t take into account your actual energy levels after a day’s work or other possible commitments. A more realistic approach might be to plan for gym sessions on days that you typically have more energy or fewer obligations. So, that’s going to be looking at your calendar.

Another key to setting yourself up for success is to ensure that your plans are enjoyable. Make it fun. If you hate running and you need socialization or accountability, scheduling daily solo runs is setting yourself up for failure. Instead, finding physical activities, classes, or groups that you actually enjoy. Whether it’s Zumba, or walking with friends, or even a yoga class can make consistency so much easier.

The goal here is to integrate wellness into your life in a way that feels natural, pleasurable, and suits your needs. Not punitive, not doing something because you think you should, or that it works for others.

Ultimately, building self-trust through setting yourself up for success requires a compassionate approach to self-discipline. This means recognizing and respecting your limits, understanding your motivations, and adjusting your plans as you learn more about what works for you and what doesn’t. It’s about making health and wellness a seamless part of your life. One that supports and enhances your well-being rather than serving as a source of stress.

Now, this approach isn’t just about achieving specific health goals. It’s about transforming your relationship with yourself, fostering a deep, trusting connection that will support your health journey for years to come.

Once, we have effectively set ourselves up for success with realistic and enjoyable plans, the next step is following through on those plans. That should flow more naturally if you’ve done the first part well, so this second step should be relatively painless.

This second part of building self-trust is about demonstrating to ourselves that we can follow through on our own commitments. This is why we start so super small, from where we are today to the next step. The act of following through is a powerful affirmation of self-reliance and capability. However, life is unpredictable, and adjustments are sometimes necessary.

Recognizing when and how to make these adjustments without self-judgment is crucial to maintaining both our plans and our mental health. So, following through on our plans reinforces a cycle of trust in ourselves.

When we do what we said that we were going to do, we build a track record of reliability within ourselves. When I say that I’m going to do something, that I have self-integrity, and that I know that I’m going to do it. This builds self-esteem and it provides a solid foundation for more ambitious goals in the future.

For example, if you’ve planned to jog every morning and you stick to that plan, you not only gain the physical benefits of jogging, but also you strengthen your self-image as someone who keeps commitments to herself. You feel proud of yourself. This can then translate into increased confidence in other areas of your life. And it reinforces a positive self-identity and feeling capable.

However, the reality is that no plan is immune to life’s unpredictability. Unexpected events like having to work late, sudden family emergencies, or being up all night with a sick partner or kid, or even emotional upheavals, can totally disrupt the most well thought out plans. It’s here that many women might falter, not in their planning or their execution, but in their response to the interruptions.

Many of my clients, and you, might view such disruptions as personal failures. We internalize the chaos caused by external factors as a reflection of our own abilities. This is especially true when other people’s needs begin to encroach on our time.

A child’s last minute school project or a partner’s travel plans can suddenly throw a well-planned week into complete chaos. It’s these times when it’s crucial to shift perspective from a mindset of self-blame. So, blaming yourself for not being able to control the uncontrollable to one of adaptability and resilience.

The key to managing these disruptions isn’t to rigidly adhere to the original plan at all costs. But rather to recognize when we need to be flexible. Deciding ahead of time gives us a framework from which we can make informed adjustments without abandoning our overarching goals.

When a late work night threatens your cooking plans, maybe the adjustment is enlisting the help of others in your family or pulling something out of the freezer instead of resorting to fast food. If you miss your morning run due to an unexpected need at home, maybe you reschedule it for the evening or do what you can.

Something is always better than nothing. What’s important is that these adjustments are made consciously and with an understanding of why they are needed and without self-reproach.

Building flexibility into our mindset allows us to respond to life’s challenges without feeling defeated. It teaches us that adjustments are not failures, but intelligent responses to the realities of life. This approach helps maintain momentum towards our goals, even when circumstances change, and reinforces the understanding that perfection is not the goal. Continued progress is.

Ultimately, the importance of following the plan is not about the plan itself. but about maintaining the integrity of our intentions. It’s about showing up for ourselves, even when it’s tough, but also knowing when to pivot and adapt responsibly. This balance is what sustains long term health and well-being, creating a lifestyle that is both disciplined and forgiving.

Through this balanced approach, we learn not only to manage our lives with grace, but also to reduce the stress and guilt often associated with unmet expectations. We come to see ourselves as capable and adaptable, which in itself is a significant victory.

Now, handling deviations in our plans without being a jerk to ourselves is an essential component of building self-trust and fostering self-compassion. It’s about making conscious decisions in the face of unexpected changes and recognizing that not all deviations are setbacks. In fact, they can be empowering when handled correctly.

When deviations occur, and we like our reasons for them, it can be super empowering. So, for instance, choosing to prioritize sleep, over an early morning workout because your kid was up all night is a conscious and thoughtful decision. It acknowledges the importance of rest and recognizes your immediate needs.

Similarly, deciding to join a friend for lunch even though you’d plan to eat at home reflects a choice to value relationships and connection. Which are just as crucial to our well-being as any meal plan.

Another situation might be choosing to stay out late during the holiday season despite a commitment to going to bed early. When we make these decisions consciously, acknowledging the tradeoffs and accepting potential consequences. They reflect mature and deliberate thinking. This kind of decision making strengthens our trust in ourselves to make choices that align with our broader life values, even if they mean straying from the plan.

But it’s also super important to recognize that when deviations aren’t based in sound reasoning, but rather on impulsive or emotional reactions, like reaching for that third piece of chocolate not because you planned for it, but because you’re responding to unchecked cravings, or it’s an unconscious process, or even feeling a type of emotion.

In these moments, the deviation is a sign that we’re not managing our internal states effectively or thinking clearly. Many of us have absorbed a kind of perfectionist programming that insists on rigid plan adherence, which has its roots in patriarchal programming. This perspective is frequently promoted by generally male productivity experts who don’t account for all of the demands, especially those placed on women. That can influence daily schedules and capacities.

The truth is life is complex and full of variables. And our planning needs to accommodate this reality, not ignore it. One transformative practice is getting curious about why deviations occur. This curiosity is blocked when we allow our inner critic to take over, beating ourselves up as failures before we’ve even had a chance to learn from our experiences.

So, instead of believing the judgment, we can ask ourselves, what got in the way? What can be adjusted next time? This approach leads to better planning and realistic expectation setting. For example, I used to pack workout equipment and clothes on every single vacation, thinking that I would work out while I was traveling. Now, over time, I realized that sometimes it just wasn’t practical or desirable to work out while I was traveling especially for enjoyment.

Recognizing this allowed me to adjust my expectations and plans without feeling guilty or stressed. This shift didn’t mean abandoning my commitment to fitness. It meant adapting the context and maintaining balance.

By integrating these insights and adopting a flexible approach to our goals, we can build resilience that supports our health. It’s about understanding that deviations are not failures, but rather opportunities to refine our strategies and align them more closely with our real lives. They teach us to better set expectations for ourselves and to plan with a buffer for the unpredictable, enabling us to navigate life’s challenges with grace and self-compassion.

Ultimately, handling deviations thoughtfully and with kindness towards ourselves enhances our ability to trust ourselves. It shows that we can adapt to changes without losing sight of our overall goals. This is the key to long term success and well-being. Creating a healthy, adaptable approach to living that can withstand the ups and downs of everyday life.

One of the most transformative aspects of deciding ahead of time is how it illuminates the emotional resistances that often lurk behind our surface decisions. Many of us carry misunderstandings about our actions. We label ourselves as lazy or weak, believing that we should effortlessly follow through on our commitments. This misunderstanding can be a significant barrier to personal growth and better self-understanding.

Through the coaching work that I do with my clients, I help my clients become acutely aware of their limiting beliefs, and the stories spun by their brains, and the lies that our brains offer. These are the stories that often dictate our behavior without us even realizing it.

By deciding ahead of time, we bring these stories into the light. We plan our actions with the rational part of our brain, the prefrontal cortex, which genuinely wants what’s best for us. It’s like having the angel and devil on our shoulders. The angel represents your rational thoughts, the prefrontal cortex. And the devil symbolizes your emotional impulses, the emotional brain.

The prefrontal cortex is like the good angel, guiding you towards long term benefits and well-being. Your higher self. Now, in contrast, the emotional brain, or what I’m referring to as the devil, is only concerned with immediate gratification and tends to get us in trouble.

Our emotional brain operates on a simple principle known as the motivational triad. I’ve talked about it before. We seek pleasure. We avoid pain, and we do it as efficiently as possible. This emotional part of our brain doesn’t care about long term consequences of eating an extra serving of ice cream or skipping a workout. It’s focused on comfort and ease in the here and now.

However, by deciding ahead of time and being specific about it, we set a clear guideline that helps us recognize immediately whether we are adhering to our rational plans or allowing our emotional brain to take over.

When we notice deviations from the plan, it’s an opportunity to confront our emotional resistances. We need to ask ourselves, Hey, what’s going on? What is uncomfortable about sticking to this plan? Is the discomfort based on truth? Or is it a misconception? Why are we avoiding the planned action? Is it because it’s genuinely impractical? Can I not do it? Or are we simply following the path of least resistance offered by our emotional brain?

Understanding the stories that our emotional brain tells us is so super important. Only then, can we begin to do what we want to do in the long run versus what we want to do in the moment. This approach, this curiosity is not about suppressing the emotional brain but rather about talking back to it. Reminding ourselves why we made the decision to do the thing that we wanted to do in the first place. Guiding it to see the bigger picture and align with our long-term goals.

This process of talking to ourselves more than we listen to ourselves leads to profound personal growth. As we become more familiar with the sentences that our emotional brain uses to sway our decisions, we can start to challenge and change them. We learn not only to recognize when we are being driven by temporary emotions, but also how to redirect ourselves in ways that serve our broader aspirations.

Through this practice, we transform our relationship with ourselves. We move from being at the mercy of our impulses to understanding and managing them. This doesn’t just help us to stick to health plans. It enhances our overall health and empowers us to make decisions that align with who we want to be.

This is the power of deciding ahead of time. It’s not just about setting plans. It’s about setting ourselves up for deeper understanding and a healthier, more conscious way of living. By mastering this approach, we take significant strides in our journey towards total health.

Now, curiosity is not just a trait, it’s a tool. One that you can learn and one that unlocks deep insights into our behaviors and patterns. When we approach our actions with curiosity rather than judgment, we open a doorway to learning and understanding that can transform our lives. This approach is magical because it shifts our focus from what we did wrong to why we did what we did.

What pain were we avoiding? What pleasure were we seeking? And how was that choice the easiest thing for us to do in the moment? When we start asking ourselves these questions, we begin to really understand the humanness of our decisions.

This process helps us to understand the motivations behind our actions and equips us with the knowledge to make different, more aligned choices in the future. More importantly, it builds our capacity to experience discomfort, a necessary component of change.

Change is inherently uncomfortable. It requires us to stretch beyond our current limits and grow. Without curiosity, this growth can feel insurmountable because we’re not just fighting our habits, we’re battling our unexamined instincts and impulses.

The beautiful aspect of this approach is its universality. The tools I teach my clients, while often framed through the lens of health are applicable across all areas of life. Whether it’s navigating relationship dynamics, managing work or job stress, or handling the unpredictability’s of travel. These skills provide foundations for a better decision making and more fulfilling experiences.

Health is merely the starting point. The principles extend into every corner of our lives. I don’t think anyone aspires to go through life on autopilot, merely reacting to what happens without understanding or intention. We all want to be fully engaged, aware of our surroundings, and appreciative of the love and beauty in our lives.

We desire to live consciously, making choices that reflect our deepest values and aspirations. And this is what being alive truly means. Embracing every moment with awareness and appreciation.

Recognizing the power of curiosity and the importance of personal growth is just the beginning. Implementing these insights into your daily life can sometimes feel overwhelming, and that’s where seeking help comes into play.

Working with a coach can provide you with the clarity and support needed to apply these approaches effectively. A coach can guide you through the complexities of your own behaviors and help you to see your blind spots, help you to develop strategies to overcome personal challenges, and to help you make the most of the tools at your disposal.

If you’re ready to transform how you live, to move from default reactions to conscious decisions, I encourage you to reach out to me. Let’s explore together what stands in your way and how to navigate beyond it. Towards a life of greater health and deeper fulfillment. This is your invitation to change, not just your habits, but your life.

As I wrap up today’s topic, I want to extend a special invitation to you. If today’s discussion about deciding ahead of time, setting realistic plans, and understanding your behaviors resonated with you, let’s put it into practice. I want to invite you to schedule a call with me to explore the barriers that may be holding you back from living your healthiest life.

During our call, we’ll explore the obstacles that you’re facing in making lasting changes. Whether these barriers are emotional, processes, systems, or something else entirely. Understanding them is the first critical step towards overcoming them.

This call is offering you the support and guidance you need to get your health under control. Health is more than just a goal. It’s the foundation of all of our dreams and aspirations. Without it, everything else becomes more challenging.

On the call, we will discuss practical strategies that you can start applying right away, tailored to your own circumstances and goals. We’ll focus on actionable insights that respect your lifestyle and your values, helping you to not only envision a healthier future, but to actually start living it.

This is an opportunity for you to take that first step towards transformative change. The path to a healthier life is often just a conversation away. So, let me help you navigate this. Your health is worth it, and so are you.

Thank you for joining me today. I so appreciate your time and your willingness to engage with these important topics. And I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic.

If you’re ready to take the next step and discover how you can overcome the barriers to your health and happiness, don’t hesitate to reach out. Schedule your personal session with me through my website at elizabethsherman.com/call or connect with me via social media. Together, we can unlock your full potential for health and wellness.

That’s all I have for you today. Have an amazing day everyone. I’ll talk to you next time. Bye-bye.

Thank you for tuning into today’s episode. If what we’ve discussed resonates with you and you’re eager to take your health journey further, I invite you to schedule a one-on-one call with me. It’s an opportunity for us to dive deep into your health goals, explore your unique challenges, and discuss what you’ve tried before.

To book your slot, simply click the link in the show notes. Once you do, you’ll answer a few thought-provoking questions to get us started. Then, all you need to do is show up, and we’ll take it from there.

Let’s make your health journey a priority together. See you on the call!