Total Health in Midlife Episode #212: Liking Your Reasons vs Believing Your Excuses

Have you ever decided to hit the snooze button on your alarm and skip your morning walk telling yourself, ‘I’ll make up for it later.’ But then later never happens. Or it’s just one chocolate covered almond, it’s not that big of a deal. But then feeling guilty for indulging afterwards. Now, we all have these moments where we negotiate with ourselves. And let’s be honest, it can feel impossible to tell if we’re being kind to ourselves or if we’re letting ourselves off the hook.

In today’s episode, I am digging into the gray area between liking your reasons for stepping off of your health plan and falling for your excuses. How do you know when you’re making a choice that truly serves you versus one that you might regret later?

I’ll share practical tips for navigating this tricky balance so that you can make decisions that feel good in the moment and align with your long term goals. If you are ready to stop the cycle of start over on Monday and finally trust yourself to make the right call, this episode is for you.

Welcome to Total Health and Midlife, the podcast for women embracing the pivotal transformation from the daily grind to the dawn of a new chapter. I’m Elizabeth, your host and fellow traveler on this journey.

As a Life and Health Coach, I am intimately familiar with the changes and challenges we face during this stage. Shifting careers, changing relationships, our new bodies, and redefining goals and needs as we start to look to the future and ask, what do I want?

In this podcast, we’ll explore physical, mental, and emotional wellness, offering insights and strategies to achieve optimal health through these transformative years.

Yes, it’s totally possible.

Join me in this amazing journey of body, mind, and spirit, where we’re not just improving our health, but transforming our entire lives.

Hey everyone, welcome to the Total Health in Midlife podcast. I am your host, Elizabeth Sherman. And I am so super glad that you are here with me today because today I am tackling a question that I get all the time. Which is some variation of ‘Where’s the Line Between Having Compassion for Yourself and Believing Your Excuses.’

It is a struggle for sure, isn’t it? Like on one hand, you want to give yourself grace and permission when life throws you curveballs. You know that you should be able to eat ice cream or chocolate or whatever it is on occasion. But then on the other hand, you don’t want to fall into the patterns that keep you stuck or sabotage your progress.

Add to that, the ‘pressure to enjoy life’ and quote unquote ‘live in moderation.’ And suddenly, the idea of balance feels anything but balanced. It’s confusing. This question is especially important for women in midlife because let’s be honest, we’ve got a lot coming at us. Careers, family, health goals, it’s all a huge juggling act.

And when we set out to make changes in our health, whether it’s eating better or being more consistent with exercise, life doesn’t just stop and make it easy for us. There’s always something. A work deadline, a sick kid, a family gathering, or just feeling downright exhausted.

That’s why today we are diving into how to find that sweet spot. I’ll help you figure out how to tell the difference between liking your reasons for stepping off your plan versus believing your excuses. It’s not about being perfect or rigid. It’s about making decisions that you feel good about. Decisions that align with your values and your long term goals.

If you’ve ever wondered, ‘Am I being kind to myself or am I just letting myself off the hook?’ This episode is for you. By the end, you’ll have tools to navigate that gray area and make choices that you feel proud of.

Let’s talk about the real challenge of balancing health goals with everything else that we have going on. It’s not as simple as just push through or want it more. No matter what those fitness slogans try to tell us, life is messy, and it doesn’t care about your plans. Maybe you’ve decided to start exercising three times a week.

You’re feeling motivated, you’ve got your calendar marked, and then life happens. Your boss moves up a deadline. Your partner asks for help with something. Or your energy is just zapped by the end of the day. Suddenly, your perfectly laid plans feel like an uphill battle.

This is where things get super tricky. You might hear that voice in your head saying, ‘No excuses, don’t let yourself off the hook.’ And sure, accountability matters. But what those slogans don’t account for is the complexity of our lives. Especially, as women who are often juggling a hundred different priorities.

The truth is, the no excuses mentality can actually backfire. It’s all or nothing. Either you do it perfectly or you failed. And that kind of rigid thinking can set us up for guilt, shame, and when we inevitably fall short, which we will. It can even make us want to quit altogether because we feel like we’re not doing it good enough.

Here’s what we need instead. A more compassionate and realistic approach to health. One that allows us to adapt when life throws us a curve ball. Because here’s the thing. Sometimes there are valid reasons to adjust your plan. Maybe you need extra rest because you’ve had a rough week. Or maybe you decide to skip a workout to care for your partner or a sick kid. That’s okay.

The key is being able to tell the difference between a valid reason and an excuse. This is why understanding, why we make certain choices matters so much. It’s not about being perfect. It’s about learning to recognize when you’re making conscious decisions that align with your bigger goals versus when you’re just avoiding discomfort.

Health isn’t black and white. It’s not all or nothing either. It’s about progress, not perfection. When you can bring flexibility and self-awareness into your decisions, that’s when the real growth happens.

Let’s get into the heart of today’s episode. Understanding the difference between a reason and an excuse. Now, these two can feel so incredibly similar in the moment. But learning to tell them apart is a game changer when it comes to staying on track with your health goals and building self-trust.

Here’s how I see it. A reason is a thoughtful, intentional decision to adjust your plan. It’s something that you’ve taken time to consider and genuinely feel good about. Even if it means changing course. An excuse, on the other hand, is more of a quick justification. It might feel valid in the moment, but it often doesn’t align with your long term goals. And afterward, you might feel a little guilty, or regretful, or like you’ve gotten away with something.

Let me give you a few examples of how this shows up in real life. Imagine you’re working late. A reason might be that you have an important project deadline that can’t be pushed back. And finishing it, will reduce your stress and let you focus better on your health tomorrow. An excuse would be staying late to avoid the gym even though the work could have waited until the morning.

Another example is family obligations. Let’s say that your child is sick, and you decide to skip your workout to care for them. That’s a reason. Your priority shifted for a valid and important reason. But if your family suggests ordering takeout, and you abandon your meal prep plans without even considering a healthier option. That might be an excuse.

Here’s another scenario. You’re headed out to a friend’s birthday dinner. You decide to enjoy the meal, savor the experience, and plan to get back to your usual eating habits the next day. That’s a reason. But if you use that dinner as an excuse to completely ignore your goals, telling yourself, ‘well, I’ll just start over next week.’ That’s totally different.

Even something like sleep can blur the line. If you’ve ever had several nights of poor sleep and decide to prioritize rest over a workout, knowing that it’s better for your overall health. That’s a reason. But if you’re regularly skipping exercise and blaming it on being tired without addressing the root cause of your sleep issues, you might be making excuses.

The difference often comes down to how you feel. If it’s a reason, you’ll feel assured with your choices. If it’s an excuse, you’ll usually feel that nagging feeling like you’re letting yourself off the hook, getting away with something, or maybe even defiant. Now, I’ve been there myself. I used to struggle with skipping workouts when my schedule got busy, or I was procrastinating.

One day, I had a meeting pop up during my usual workout time and I thought, ‘well, I guess today’s a wash.’ But then I asked myself, is there something that I can do? Is this a reason or is it an excuse? The meeting was important, but I realized I could fit in a shorter work out earlier in the day. That decision was a turning point for me because I started noticing how often I leaned on excuses without even realizing it.

So, this isn’t about perfection or rigid rules. Life happens and sometimes plans need to change. The goal is to make the intentional choices that align with your values and your long term goals. Not just ones that feel convenient in the moment. By learning to recognize the difference between reasons and excuses, you’ll build a stronger sense of self trust and that’s the foundation for long term success.

Understanding why you made your plan in the first place is the foundation for making better decisions when life gets in the way. Without a clear ‘why,’ it’s easy to let your plan slide at the first sign of trouble. But when you’re connected to your motivations, you’re less likely to fall for excuses.

So, think about the last health goal you set. Maybe it was to eat more vegetables or walk every day. What inspired you to make that commitment? Was it because you want to feel better in your body, keep up with your grandkids, or reduce your risk of health problems? These deeper reasons, your real why are what drive meaningful, lasting change.

Surface level reasons like, I should be healthier, or it’s what I’m supposed to do, just don’t cut it at this point. They don’t inspire action when things get tough. So, take the time to dig deeper. Ask yourself, what will this goal allow me to do that I can’t do now? How will my life be better if I achieve this?

Once you’re clear on your motivation, you can use it to evaluate the moments when you’re tempted to stray from your plan. Here’s how. First, pause and check in. When you feel yourself about to deviate from your plan, take a moment to pause. Ask yourself, what’s going on right now? What am I thinking or feeling that’s leading me to make this decision? Maybe you’re stressed, tired, or overwhelmed. Just noticing these emotions can give you clarity.

Next, you want to ask yourself a few key questions. Does this align with my bigger why? Is this a one-time adjustment I feel good about? Or is it part of a pattern that I want to change? Will I feel proud of this choice tomorrow?

So, for example, skipping a workout might feel good in the moment, but how will it feel later? If you’re making the choice because your body needs rest, you’ll likely feel at peace with it. But if it’s because you don’t quote unquote feel like it, you might regret it later.

You also want to dig into your thought patterns. Often, the surface thought, ‘I don’t want to or I’m too tired’ is masking something that’s a little bit deeper. Maybe it’s fear of failure or a story you’re telling yourself like, I’m just not that kind of person who sticks to things. When you notice those patterns, it’s easier to challenge them and make a conscious choice.

And then, finally, reconnect with your goals. Finally, remind yourself of your motivation. Why did I start this plan in the first place? How does sticking to it today move me closer to the life that I want? This doesn’t mean that you’ll never adjust your plans. But it ensures that when you do, it’s for a reason that you genuinely feel good about, not just a temporary excuse.

The goal isn’t perfection. It’s about making intentional choices that align with your values and long term goals. By slowing down, checking in, and evaluating your decisions, you’re not just following through on your plan, you’re building a deeper sense of trust in yourself. And that trust is what makes progress sustainable.

When you’re in the middle of a tough decision, whether it’s to stick to your plan or make an adjustment, it’s easy to get caught up in the moment. And that’s where two guiding questions come in. These are two questions that I love and often share with my clients.

The first one is, what would I do if I loved myself? And the second is, how do I want to show up in this relationship? These two questions cut through the noise of guilt, doubt, and SHOULDs. And will help you to focus on what truly matters. So, let’s break them down.

The first question, what would I do if I loved myself? Now, this question shifts your perspective from obligation to self-compassion. It asks you to prioritize your own needs and well-being, which is something that many of us are not used to doing.

When you love yourself, you make choices that honor your body, your mind, and your goal. For example, let’s say that you’re debating whether or not to skip a workout after a long stressful day. If you loved yourself, what would you do? Maybe you’d decide that rest is more important today, and that skipping the workout is the kindest option. Or you might choose to go for a shorter walk instead of a full workout because you know it’ll help you to feel better.

One thing that I love about this question, what would I do if I loved myself? It doesn’t make the assumption that you do love yourself. So, if you are someone who struggles with self-love asking, ‘what would I do if I loved myself?’ Helps you to imagine what that could look like.

The next question is how do I want to show up in this relationship? Now, this question broadens the context and invites you to think about the bigger picture. It’s not just about the immediate decision. It’s about the kind of person that you want to be in your relationships, whether that’s in your relationships with other people or yourself.

So, here’s an example. Let’s say that your daughter calls and asks you to bring her something that she forgot for school. You were about to leave for a yoga class, but now you’re torn. How do you want to show up for her as her mom? Maybe you decide that this one time favor is worth it. Or you might think, I also want to teach her responsibility, so you stick with your yoga class. There’s no right answer here. The power lies in making a choice that you feel good about.

So, why do these questions work? These questions help you to stay connected to your values and your goals. They shift the focus from external pressures to your own inner guidance. The goal isn’t perfection, but to make decisions that you can stand behind.

Choices that align with who you are and who you want to be. By using these questions regularly, you’ll not only make better decisions, but you’ll also strengthen your relationship with yourself and others. And that’s the foundation of lasting change.

One of the biggest traps that we fall into with health goals is the all or nothing mindset. You know the one. If I can’t do it perfectly, why bother doing it at all? But here’s the truth. Progress happens in the middle ground, not in the extremes.

Flexibility isn’t a weakness. It’s actually a strength. And when you embrace it, you make your goals more sustainable. Life will throw you curveballs. Maybe you can’t do the hour long workout that you had planned. Or you find yourself at a restaurant with no ideal options.

These moments don’t mean that you failed. They’re opportunities to adapt, to compromise, and to keep moving forward. So, how do you find that middle ground? The key is shifting your focus from what can’t I do to what can I do right now. Let me share a few examples.

For exercise, let’s say that you planned an hour at the gym, but work ran late and now you’re short on time. Instead of skipping your workout entirely, you could just do 15 minutes of stretching or a quick bodyweight workout at home. A little movement is always better than none.

As far as nutrition is concerned, let’s say that you’re at a restaurant with limited healthy options. Instead of scrapping your plan completely, could you make small tweaks? Maybe you choose grilled chicken instead of fried or asking for dressing on the side. Even small changes add up.

As far as sleep is concerned, let’s say that you stayed up later than planned, finishing a project. While you can’t get your full eight hours, could you wind down with a short meditation or avoid screens before going to bed to maximize the sleep that you do get?

And then, for stress management, let’s say that you don’t have time for a full meditation session. But could you take five deep breaths while waiting in line or step outside for a quick walk? Now, these small adjustments might seem like not much in the moment and they might feel like, ‘oh that’s nothing.’ But they keep you moving in the right direction.

They reinforce the idea that you’re still showing up for yourself, even when things don’t go as planned. The goal isn’t perfection, it’s progress. It’s about teaching yourself that setbacks aren’t the end of the road. They’re just moments to pause, regroup, and find a new way forward.

When you let go of the all or nothing mentality and embrace flexibility, you’re not just maintaining your health goals, you’re building resilience. So, next time your plan doesn’t work out perfectly, ask yourself, what’s the middle ground here? What can I still do to stay aligned with my goals? Those small choices add up to big changes over time.

Building self-trust is one of the most important things that you can do for your health and for your life. It’s the foundation of lasting change because let’s face it, you can’t reach your goals if you don’t believe that you’ll follow through.

Self-trust is built through consistent decision making. Every time you make a choice that aligns with your goals and values, you’re proving to yourself that I can do this. It doesn’t have to be a big dramatic gesture. In fact, it’s the small everyday decisions that really matter the most.

Think about it. When you set a goal to exercise three times a week and you show up, whether it’s for a full hour at the gym or a quick 15 minute walk. You are reinforcing the belief that you’re capable.

When you choose a nourishing meal over takeout after a busy day, you’re telling yourself, I can make good choices, even when it’s hard. Each of these moments is like a deposit into your self-trust bank. And over time, those deposits add up. And you start to see yourself in a new light, someone who’s reliable, capable, and consistent.

And here’s the beautiful thing. Self-trust doesn’t just stay in one area of your life. When you build it with your health, it spills over into your work, into your relationships, and your personal goals. You start showing up differently, more confident, more in control, and more intentional about the life that you want to create.

But what happens when you miss a workout or eat something off plan? That’s where the magic of self-trust really shows up. Instead of beating yourself up or throwing in the towel, you can say, okay, this wasn’t perfect, but it’s not the end of the world. Self-trust allows you to bounce back because you know one decision doesn’t define you.

In the broader framework of health and well-being, self-trust is the glue that holds it all together. It helps you to stick to your goals when motivation fades. It allows you to navigate setbacks without giving up. And it empowers you to make choices that align with your values, even when they’re tough.

Remember, building self-trust is a process. It takes time, and it won’t always be perfect. But every choice that you make, every time you pause to evaluate your reasons, and every moment that you choose progress over perfection, you’re strengthening that trust in yourself. And that’s what makes lasting change possible.

As I wrap up today’s episode, I want to leave you with a few key takeaways. I talked about the difference between liking your reasons and believing your excuses. And how learning to tell the difference can transform the way that you approach your health goals. It’s not about being perfect or rigid. It’s about making intentional choices that align with your values and long term goals.

I shared how asking questions like, what would I do if I loved myself? And how do I want to show up in this relationship can guide you to decisions that you feel good about? Ones that reflect who you want to be. We also explored the power of finding a middle ground so that you can stay flexible without giving up your goals. And then finally, we talked about how consistent decision making builds self-trust, which is the foundation for real, lasting change.

If you’re listening to this and thinking, ‘okay, this sounds great, but I’m still not sure how to make it work for me.’ I want to invite you to schedule a free, ‘I Know What to Do, I’m just Not Doing It’ strategy call with me.

On this call, we’ll dive into your specific challenges and create a plan that works for you and your life. Not someone else’s rules or ideals. Just go to elizabethsherman.com/call. And that will be in the show notes as well.

Thank you for spending your time with me today. I know how much you’ve got on your plate, and the fact that you’re here investing in yourself is something to celebrate. Every decision is an opportunity to reinforce your self-trust and move closer to the healthy, vibrant life that you deserve.

Until next time, have an amazing day. That’s all I have for you today. I’ll talk to you next time. Bye-bye.

Thank you for tuning in today. Now, if you enjoy the podcast and are ready to take the next step in addressing your health concerns, I would love to invite you to schedule an I Know What To Do, I’m Just Not Doing It strategy call.

In this 60 minute session, we will explore what’s holding you back and create a personalized action plan. You will gain clarity, support, and practical steps to move you forward. Visit elizabethsherman.com/call to book your call now. You can transform your health and I would love to be there to help.