But I don’t feel like it.

How often do we allow our feelings to dictate our actions?

“I don’t feel like ___________fill in the blank________.” (exercising, eating my vegetables, paying my bills, getting up in the morning)

In her book, the Willpower Instinct, Dr. Kelly McGonigal breaks willpower into three distinct types:

• ‘I won’t power’ willing yourself to abstain from certain behaviors, like quitting smoking, spending money, overeating, or biting your tongue;
• ‘I will power’, willing yourself to do something like eat vegetables, or exercising;
• ‘I want power’, the ability to go after a long-term goal in spite of obstacles and barriers. What immediate ‘want’ is most likely to distract you or tempt you away from this goal?

Normally, when we think about willpower, we think of ‘I won’t power’ – things that we want to stop doing.

We think of ‘I will power’ as motivation. I will go to the gym. OR I will pay my taxes on time.

And I think many of us think of “I want power’ as goals, or dreams; something that we want … someday.

Often, what gets in the way of our ‘I want power’ is giving in to the feelings (or wants) that you have right now versus your long-term wants.

How true are any of these statements for you:

• I want to lose weight, but I would really rather just stop off somewhere for dinner instead of making what we had planned at home.
• I know I said that I would get up early to go to that exercise class, but it’s so nice in bed that I think I’ll just snooze a bit longer.
• Even though I’m trying to quit smoking, since I already had one today, I may as well have another.

In this case, we’re letting how we immediately feel take over what we ultimately want.

We’re letting short-term discomfort take priority over our long-term goals.

By giving in to the whim of how we feel right now, we’re giving up on what we want long-term; we’re sacrificing our long-term goals for our immediate need.

And I get it. Believe me when I tell you that I say, “But I don’t feeeeel like it,” often. I DO. There are so many times that I don’t feel like doing what I’m supposed to be doing.

But isn’t that part of being an adult?

We do things that we don’t want to do. Because we’re able to rationalize long-term gain for short-term wants.

• I don’t want to pay my bills. But that’s what adults do.
• I don’t want to eat my vegetables. But I want to be healthy, strong, and live a long life.
• Sure I would love to eat donuts and french fries daily. They’re tasty! But how would I feel physically after doing that for a period of time?

Giving in to immediate gratification is almost childish. Isn’t it?

It’s trading off the discomfort of now so that I can be comfortable later.

Strengthening Your Resolve

Okay – so, how do you create more willpower, or stop being a slave to immediate gratification?

Research has a few ideas about this:

Meditate: I know it all seems very woo-woo. BUT neuroscientists have discovered that when you ask the brain to meditate, it gets better not just at meditating, but at a wide range of self-control skills, including attention, focus, stress management, impulse control, and self-awareness. People who meditate regularly aren’t just better at these things. Over time, their brains become finely tuned willpower machines. Regular meditators have more gray matter in the prefrontal cortex, as well as regions of the brain that support self-awareness.

Remember Why: If you’re in the middle of a struggle: immediate comfort over the long-term gain. It’s useful to remember why you have that overarching goal in the first place. Remembering the big goal and all the reasons for wanting it for sure put your decisions in their proper place. So, lets say that you don’t exactly need it, but you really want that new iPhone, but you also want to be debt free. Remembering how you feel when you look at your bills, and how you expect to feel when that is all over could be incentive enough to wait a few more months until either you really do need it, or the price comes down.

Some Additional Strategies:

Strengthen ‘I won’t power’: Commit to not swearing (or refraining from any habit of speech – verbal ticks, whatever), not crossing your legs when you sit, or using your non-dominant hand for a daily task like eating or opening doors.

Strengthen ‘I will power’: Commit to doing something every day (not something you already do) just for the practice of building a habit and not making excuses. It could be calling your mother, meditating for five minutes, or finding one thing in your house that needs to be thrown out or recycled.

Just the awareness that paying attention to what you are doing will snap your brain out of automatic pilot, and even though it might not be something that you’re aware of, your brain will pause, and at least allow you to consider the alternative.

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