Total Health in Midlife Episode #200: Goals Are Just Guesses

>p>Have you ever set a goal only to not achieve it? Well, of course you have because we all have, we’ve all been there. So, maybe it was a weight loss target, or a career milestone, or even just a personal achievement. You declared it publicly feeling confident and excited. But now, you are nowhere near that goal and worse, you’re not sure that you even care about achieving it anymore.

>p>Now, if you’re with me and feeling a mix of relief and guilt, know that you’re not alone. This is my 200th episode of the Total Health in Midlife podcast. And in it, I’m sharing about my own goal setting journey. And trust me, It’s not what you might expect. I’m sharing why I’m actually celebrating not achieving the goals that I set in my 100th episode. And how this realization has transformed my approach to health, my business, and life.

>p>You’ll discover why quote unquote ‘goals are just guesses’ has become my new catchphrase. And how this mindset shift could free you from the cycle of shame and disappointment that you might get stuck in when you don’t achieve a goal.

>p>If you’ve ever felt like a failure for changing your mind or not sticking to a plan, this episode is for you. I promise that by the end, you will see your evolving goals and priorities in a whole new light. So, don’t miss out on this chance to redefine success on your own terms and find a path to health and fulfillment that truly resonates with who you are today.

>p>Welcome to Total Health and Midlife, the podcast for women embracing the pivotal transformation from the daily grind to the dawn of a new chapter. I’m Elizabeth, your host and fellow traveler on this journey.

>p>As a Life and Health Coach, I am intimately familiar with the changes and challenges we face during this stage. Shifting careers, changing relationships, our new bodies, and redefining goals and needs as we start to look to the future and ask, what do I want?

>p>In this podcast, we’ll explore physical, mental, and emotional wellness, offering insights and strategies to achieve optimal health through these transformative years.

>p>Yes, it’s totally possible.

>p>Join me in this amazing journey of body, mind, and spirit, where we’re not just improving our health, but transforming our entire lives.

>p>Hey everyone, welcome back to the Total Health in Midlife podcast, I am your host, Elizabeth Sherman. And today, I am celebrating a monumental milestone, my 200th episode. Can you believe it?

>p>As I approach my 56th birthday next week, I am filled with an overwhelming sense of pride and gratitude for this incredible journey. Now, when I first started this podcast four years ago, I had a ton of self-doubt. I questioned whether I had enough valuable content to share, whether anyone would listen.

>p>And if I would be able to distinguish my thoughts over the myriad of other health experts out there. But over time, I’ve discovered my voice, and I hope that you have found value in my perspective. If you have, I would be over the moon if you would take a moment to rate and review the show. Your support means the world to me. And it helps other women find this podcast as well.

>p>So, reflecting on the growth and learning that I’ve experienced over the past four years since starting this podcast, I am super excited for what the next four years will bring. There have been a lot of highs and lows, challenges, and wins, and I’m so grateful that you’ve been along for the haul.

>p>I want to share something important with you. The reason I started this podcast was to dive deeper into the topics that I discuss with my clients in session. Even if you are not working with me directly, the subjects that I explore here are the same ones that I address in my coaching sessions. We just use my client’s real life personal examples to bring these concepts to life and really unpack and apply the teachings to their specific situation.

>p>Now, today’s episode is extra special because we’re going to revisit something I did for my 100th episode. Back then, I set some super ambitious goals for myself and for my business. We’re going to talk about all those goals, and how they’ve evolved, and why change is not just okay, but it’s actually beautiful and it’s necessary.

>p>But as I address my learnings, I want you to understand that this conversation isn’t just about me and my goals. It’s for you too. It’s about how we set expectations for ourselves in all areas of our lives, especially with our health. And how those expectations can shift over time. So, stay with me because what we’re about to discuss might just change the way that you think about your own goals and the path that you’re on.

>p>First, let’s go back to my 100th episode. I was riding high on the excitement of reaching that milestone and decided to go big. So, I set some really super ambitious goals for myself. Both personal and professional for the next six months, one year, two years, and even five years out. I laid it all out there, publicly declaring what I was going to do in my future.

>p>But here’s the thing. Life has a funny way of surprising us. And as I stand here today, I realize that I am nowhere near where I thought I would be. And you know what? It’s totally okay. In fact, it’s more than okay. It’s a beautiful testament to how we grow and change as human beings.

>p>This realization led me to a new perspective on goal setting. One that I now share with my clients. And that is, that ‘goals are just guesses.’ When we set a goal, we are essentially making an educated guess about what we want and what we can accomplish based on who we are at that moment, and the information and evidence that we have.

>p>But we’re constantly evolving, learning, and changing. The person that you are today isn’t the same person that you were a year ago. And she won’t be the person that you’ll be a year from now. Think about your own health goals. Maybe you once set a goal to lose a certain amount of weight or to run a marathon.

>p>But as time passed, perhaps you realized that what you really wanted was to feel energized and confident in your body, regardless of the number on the scale. Or maybe you discovered that you really don’t like running, and that hiking brings you more fulfillment than any marathon ever could.

>p>But the other aspect of this especially, when it comes to business or health is that typically, we are setting goals for something that we’ve never accomplished before. So, we really have no evidence of what is possible, only the evidence of other people telling us what they’ve accomplished.

>p>Our goals and priorities shift because we’re influenced by so many external factors. The people we surround ourselves with, the books we read, the experiences we have, they all shape our aspirations. I’ve come to understand that some of the goals that I set for myself were heavily influenced by what I thought I should want, rather than what truly resonated with my core values.

>p>For instance, I set some pretty lofty business goals, thinking that that’s what success should look like. But as I’ve grown and changed, I’ve realized that my definition of success is totally different. It’s not about hitting a certain revenue target or having a massive following. For me, success is about making a meaningful impact. Helping women live healthier, longer, and more fulfilling lives. But doing it in a way that aligns with who I am.

>p>This shift in perspective has been liberating. It’s allowed me to let go of the guilt and shame associated with not meeting those original goals. And instead, I’ve embraced the idea that it’s not only okay, but it’s essential to reassess and realign our goals as we grow and as we change.

>p>I want you to ask yourself, are your current health and life goals truly yours? Or are they influenced by what you think you should want? Keep in mind that it’s okay if your priorities have shifted. In fact, it’s a sign of growth and self-awareness. Embrace it. Celebrate it. And don’t be afraid to adjust your goals accordingly.

>p>As I reflected on the goals that I set during that 100th episode, I’ve had to confront an uncomfortable truth. That many of the goals were driven by my ego. I was chasing numbers, accolades, and a version of success that I thought would prove something. To myself, to others, maybe the world at large.

>p>But here’s the thing. That version of success wasn’t truly mine. It’s a trap that’s so easy to fall into. Especially, in our social media driven world where everyone’s highlight reel is on constant display. We see other successes and think, that’s what I should be aiming for. But in doing so, we often lose sight of what truly matters to us.

>p>This realization hit me hard, but it also opened my eyes to a more authentic way of goal setting. I started asking myself tough questions like, why do I really want this? Does this align with my core values? Will achieving this goal bring me genuine fulfillment? Or am I just chasing external validation?

>p>The answers were stark, and they led me to reassess not just my business goals, but my approach to life in general. I realized that what I truly value isn’t a massive business empire, but meaningful connections with the women that I serve. I don’t need to be the loudest voice in the room. I want to be a steady, supportive presence for those who need it.

>p>This shift from ego driven to authentic goals has been truly transformative. It’s allowed me to align my actions with my values. Creating a sense of purpose and fulfillment that no ego driven achievement could ever match. I share this because I see so many women falling into the same trap with their health goals.

>p>They set targets based on what they think they should want. A certain dress size, a particular weight that they had when they were in their 20s, or a specific body type, rather than what truly matters to them.

>p>But what if, instead of chasing these external markers of success, we set goals that align with our deepest values? What if your health goal was to have the energy to play with your grandkids, or the strength to enjoy your favorite activities well into your golden years? These authentic, value driven goals are far more likely to motivate and fulfill you in the long run.

>p>The most powerful goals are those that resonate with your authentic self. They’re the ones that excite you, that align with your values, and that contribute to the life that you truly want to live. So, don’t be afraid to let go of ego driven goals and embrace the ones that are genuinely yours.

>p>As I’ve navigated this shift in my approach to my business goals, I’ve noticed striking parallels with the journey many women experience in their health and wellness pursuits. In both realms, there’s an overwhelming temptation to follow someone else’s blueprint for success. We see a business guru’s strategy or a celebrity’s diet plan and think if it worked for them, it will work for me too. We see people shouting, I did this, and you should want it too.

>p>But here’s the truth that I’ve learned in both business and in health. First, time changes circumstances. And second, what’s right for you isn’t necessarily what’s right for me. In my business, I initially fell into the trap of marketing myself and running my company based on what I saw others doing. I thought I needed to be constantly active on social media, to push for rapid growth, to chase certain metrics. But it didn’t feel authentic to me. It was exhausting and it was unfulfilling.

>p>Similarly, in the world of health and wellness, we’re bombarded with diet plans, exercise programs, and foolproof strategies for weight loss. We’re told to count calories, cut out entire food groups, or exercise for hours every single day. And just like in business, following someone else’s strict blueprint often leads to burnout, frustration, and ultimately, giving up.

>p>The landscape of online business has changed over the past 10 years. And I’ll be willing to bet that similarly, your body has changed too. The turning point for me came when I realized I needed to build my business in a way that felt good to me.

>p>I shifted from a weight loss focused approach to a health first perspective. I started prioritizing speaking engagements, both virtual and in person. Because that’s where I felt I could make the most impact and where I derived the most satisfaction.

>p>This is the exact same advice I give to my clients about their health journeys. I encourage you to ditch the diet mentality and other people’s rules. Instead, we focus on eating and exercising in a way that makes you feel good. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. When you tune into your own body, your own needs, and your own preferences, magic happens.

>p>You start to create sustainable habits that don’t feel like a chore. You begin to enjoy the process rather than just fixating on the end goal. For instance, if you hate running, but you love dancing, why force yourself to jog every morning? You’re much more likely to stick with a dance class or a Zumba workout. If the idea of cutting out carbs makes you miserable, why not focus on adding more vegetables to your meals instead of eliminating foods that you enjoy?

>p>The key is to find out what works for you, what makes you feel energized, satisfied, and happy. This personalized approach might not produce overnight results, but it leads to lasting change and a much more enjoyable journey in the process.

>p>Don’t forget that your health journey is uniquely yours. Just as I’ve learned to run my business in a way that aligns with my values and strengths, you have the power to create a health and wellness routine that fits your life, your preferences, and your goals.

>p>So, I encourage you to question any one size fits all approach. Be willing to experiment, to listen to your body, and to prioritize how you feel over arbitrary standards or someone else’s definition of success. Your path to health and wellness should be as unique as you are.

>p>I want to address something that I felt deeply, and I bet it’s something that you can relate to as well. And that’s the shame and fear that comes along with public failure. When I set those ambitious goals during my 100th episode, I put them out there for everyone to hear. The experts tell us to do that, right? To tell everyone your goals, so that you hold yourself accountable.

>p>And now, as I stand here, not having achieved many of them, I’ve had to grapple with the feelings of shame and the fear of being judged. The thing is, I took action, but circumstances changed. I’m sure that you’ve had similar experience with your health. You did all the things that the diet or exercise program told you to do, but it didn’t produce the results that you were promised. And we have no idea why. It’s a vulnerable place to be, isn’t it?

>p>Whether it’s publicly stating business goals or sharing our weight loss targets with friends and family, there’s this fear that if we don’t meet these expectations, we’ll be seen as failures. We worry about the whispers, the disappointed looks, the perception that we’re not cut out for it, or that we didn’t try hard enough.

>p>But here’s what I’ve realized. Much of this shame and fear comes from seeking approval rather than tuning in to what we genuinely want for ourselves. When I dug really deep and asked myself, is this what I really want? I discovered that what I was chasing was approval more than my authentic goals. I didn’t actually want the life that came along with running a half million dollar business with all its complexities.

>p>What I truly wanted was to work with women, helping them to become healthier and happier. The same often applies to our health goals. We set targets based on what we think will make others approve of us. A certain dress size, a number on a scale, a particular body shape, but when we tune into what we genuinely want, it’s usually not about the numbers. It’s about feeling energetic, confident, and capable in our bodies.

>p>Here’s the liberating truth. When you’re really tuned into what you want, the shame starts to dissipate because you’re no longer trying to meet someone else’s expectations. You’re honoring your own desires and values.

>p>So, I’m here to tell you and remind myself that it’s okay if your goals change. It’s okay if you don’t meet the expectations, you once set for yourself. What matters is that you’re true to who you are now, not who you thought you should be.

>p>So, I want to invite you to release the shame of perceived failure. And instead, celebrate your growth, your self-awareness, and your courage to change course when something isn’t serving you. Your worth isn’t determined by meeting arbitrary goals. It’s inherent to who you are. Remember that the next time that you feel that fear of judgment creeping in.

>p>As I’ve navigated this mindset of reassessing my goals and priorities, I’ve experienced some profound personal growth and shifts in my own values. I want to share these with you because I believe they’re universal experiences that so many of us go through especially, as we enter in midlife.

>p>One of the most significant changes for me has been adopting kindness as my top value. This shift began after my first retreat where I found myself becoming softer with myself and others in my life. I dove into books about white privilege, racism, and patriarchy, which opened my eyes to the importance of conscious kindness. Not just niceness, which we as women are often conditioned to display, but true kindness to myself and to others.

>p>This focus on kindness led me to a life changing realization. I was a chronic people pleaser. I spent six months in an intensive program to stop people pleasing. And let me tell you, it was huge. I learned that it’s possible to be kind while also getting my wants and needs met. And that anything else is just how our culture conditions women to acquiesce to others demands.

>p>It’s about finding that balance between compassion for others and honoring your own needs. Unraveling these people pleasing tendencies was like removing a heavy coat that I didn’t even realize I was wearing. Although, I’m still working on it today, suddenly, I could breathe easier. I can start saying, no, without feeling guilty or like I’m asking for permission. I can express my true desires without fear of disappointing others. And you know what? The world hasn’t fallen apart yet.

>p>In fact, my relationships have improved because they’re now based on authenticity rather than the desire to please. So, this journey has also led me to a profound life realization that relationships are what truly are important to me. As a result, I’ve been prioritizing connection with others and pursuing deeper, more meaningful friendships.

>p>I’ve learned that the quality of our connections often matters more than the quantity of our achievements. These personal growth experiences and value shifts have had a ripple effect on every aspect of my life, including my approach to health and wellness. I now encourage my clients to be kind to themselves as they work towards their health goals.

>p>We focus on building a positive relationship with food, and exercise, and their body, rather than punishing themselves with restrictive diets or too intense workouts. I guide them to unravel their own people pleasing tendencies when it comes to their health. And they are so tightly connected.

>p>Are you missing your workout or blowing off your meal prep because you’re too overscheduled with everyone else’s demands? Are you trying to lose weight to please others or because it’s truly what you want for yourself. Are you saying, yes to social obligations involving food or drink when you really want to stick to your health plan?

>p>Most importantly, we discuss how prioritizing meaningful relationships can actually support their health goals. Strong social connections are linked to better health outcomes. They reduce stress and increase longevity. Sometimes nurturing a friendship over a shared meal can be more beneficial to overall wellbeing than sticking to a strict diet.

>p>These shifts in values and priorities has made my life richer, more authentic, and yes, healthier. And I encourage you to reflect on your own values and how they align with your health goals. Are you being kind to yourself above all else? Are you at least being honest with yourself about what it is that you need and want? And are you prioritizing the relationships that truly matter? True health encompasses not just the physical, but the emotional and relational aspects of our lives as well.

>p>Let’s talk about a crucial shift in mindset that has transformed my approach to goal setting, both in business and in health. Focusing on behavior based goals rather than what many of us do, which is outcome based goals. This change has been a game changer for me, and I believe that it can be for you too.

>p>So, first, outcome goals are like hitting a specific revenue target or reaching a certain weight. They can be misleading and often disappointing. Why? Because we don’t have complete control over our outcomes. There are always external factors at play.

>p>In business, market conditions can change. In health, our bodies might respond differently than we expect to diet and exercise changes especially, as we are in midlife. When we fixate on these outcome goals, we set ourselves up for frustration. We might do everything right and still not see the numbers that we want. It leads to discouragement and even giving up.

>p>Does that sound familiar?

>p>That’s why I’ve shifted my focus and encourage my clients to do the same, to behavior focused goals. These are the actions that we can control. The daily habits and choices that ultimately lead to outcomes that we desire.

>p>In my business, instead of obsessing over revenue targets, I focus on consistently creating valuable content, nurturing relationships with my clients, and continually educating myself. These are actions I can control regardless of external circumstances.

>p>For health goals, this might look like committing to eating a serving of vegetables with each meal, drinking a certain amount of water daily, or exercising for 30 minutes three times a week. These are concrete actions, behaviors, that you can take daily. regardless of what the scale says.

>p>The beauty of behavior focused goals is that they give you wins to celebrate every single day. You’re not waiting for some far off outcome to feel successful. Every time you follow through on your committed actions, you’re winning. This builds confidence, momentum, and a sense of control over your life and health.

>p>Moreover, focusing on behaviors helps you to develop sustainable habits. It’s not about quick fixes or drastic measures. It’s about consistent, manageable actions that you can maintain long term.

>p>One of the questions that I love to ask myself and my client is, who do I need to be in order to achieve that goal? Not just what do I have to do, but how do I need to think about the behaviors that I must take in order to actually achieve and maintain my goal?

>p>So, keep in mind that sustainable change happens through consistent small actions, not grand gestures. By focusing on behavior based goals and your mindset, you’re setting yourself up for lasting success, both in health and in life.

>p>So, I encourage you to shift your focus. What daily actions can you commit to that will move you closer to the health and life that you desire? And who do you need to be? How do you need to think in order to prioritize those actions?

>p>As I wrap up this discussion on goals and personal growth, I want to emphasize a crucial point. That embracing change and authenticity is not just okay, but it’s essential for our well-being and happiness. Our priorities evolve as we grow, as we learn, and experience life. And that’s something to celebrate, not to resist.

>p>Think back to who you were five or ten years ago. The goals you had then, the things you thought were important, have they changed? For most of us, the answer is a resounding yes. And that’s beautiful. It means that we’re growing, we’re learning, and we’re becoming more attuned to our authentic selves.

>p>In my own journey, I’ve come to realize that the goals I once thought were crucial for my success and happiness no longer align with who I am today. And you know what? That realization was incredibly freeing. It allowed me to let go of pursuits that no longer served me and focus on what truly matters in my life right now.

>p>I want to encourage you to take a moment and reassess your own goals, especially when it comes to your health and well-being. Ask yourself, are these goals still relevant to who I am today? Do they align with my current values and priorities? Am I pursuing these goals because I truly want to or because I think I should? How would achieving these goals impact my day to day life and happiness?

>p>Be honest with yourself. It’s okay if your answers surprise you. It’s okay if you realize that some of your goals no longer fit who you are or what you want. That’s not failure, it’s growth. Perhaps you’ll find that instead of striving for a particular body shape, what you really want is to feel strong and energetic. Maybe instead of forcing yourself to follow a strict diet, you’d rather focus on nourishing your body in a way that feels good and sustainable.

>p>Embracing change and authenticity in your goals doesn’t mean giving up or settling. It means aligning your efforts with your true self. Which ultimately leads to greater fulfillment and success. It means being brave enough to say, ‘this is who I am now, and this is what I truly want.’

>p>So, I challenge you to reassess your goals with compassion and honesty, embrace the changes in your priority, celebrate your growth. And most importantly, give yourself permission to pursue goals that genuinely excite and inspire you. Goals that are authentically yours.

>p>Throughout this time of reassessing my goals and priorities, I’ve refined my coaching philosophy to better serve women like you. My approach has never been about parroting rules or telling you exactly what to do, but now it’s even more so. Softer. Instead, it’s about helping you to uncover your blind spots and create strategies that truly work for you.

>p>One of the biggest blind spots I often see is the disconnect between what we think we want and what truly makes us feel good. For instance, a client might come to me wanting to lose weight, but through our work together, we might discover that what she really wants is to feel proud of herself for following through on her commitments to herself, or to feel stronger when she runs. Which she thinks she’ll accomplish by losing the weight.

>p>But when it comes down to it, she needs to do these other things first, and then she will lose the weight. This shift in perspective can be transformative. My goal is to work with your body and life circumstances, not against them. We focus on what makes you feel good physically, mentally, and emotionally. This might mean experimenting with different foods, exercise routines, or stress management techniques until we find what resonates with you.

>p>Together, I help you to build the personalized, sustainable strategies that fit into your life. It’s not about following a rigid plan that works for a few weeks and then falls apart. It’s about making small, consistent changes that add up to big results over time.

>p>Keep in mind that a good coach doesn’t just hand you a blueprint, a good coach helps you to write your own blueprint. One that’s tailored to your unique needs, preferences, and lifestyle. That’s the kind of coach that I strive to be. And that’s the approach I believe leads to lasting change and true health.

>p>So, as I wrap up this 200th episode, I want to leave you with a powerful invitation. If you’ve been nodding along and feeling a spark of recognition in your own life and health journey, it might be time to take action. I’m offering a special, ‘I Know What to Do, I’m just Not Doing It’ strategy call.

>p>This isn’t about me telling you what to do, because we’ve already established that that doesn’t work. It’s about us working together to uncover what’s really holding you back and creating a plan that aligns with your authentic self.

>p>During this call, I’ll help you to identify blind spots, challenge the SHOULDs that might be dictating your health choices, and start crafting an approach that feels good to you. Whether you’re struggling with weight loss, trying to establish better health habits, or simply feeling stuck, this call could be the turning point that you need. Just go to elizabethsherman.com/call and claim a spot on my calendar.

>p>As I’ve shared today, goals evolve, priorities shift, and that’s not just okay, it’s beautiful. It’s a sign of growth and self-awareness. And I encourage you to embrace these changes in your life with compassion and curiosity. Don’t forget that your health journey is uniquely yours. You are the only one who has something invested in the outcome.

>p>So, it’s not about following someone else’s rules or living up to external expectations. It’s about discovering what truly works for you, and what makes you feel alive, energized, and fulfilled. I invite you to be kind to yourself as you navigate this journey. Celebrate your growth, honor your changing priorities, and don’t be afraid to redefine success on your own terms.

>p>If you’re ready to align your health goals with your authentic self and create sustainable, feel good strategies, book that Strategy Call. Let’s work together to write the next chapter of your health story. One that’s true to who you are today.

>p>Again, go to elizabethsherman.com/call to schedule your ‘I Know What To Do, I’m Just Not Doing It’ strategy call. Thank you for being part of this milestone episode. Here’s to growth, authenticity, and the beautiful journey ahead.

>p>Thank you for tuning in today. Now, if you enjoy the podcast and are ready to take the next step in addressing your health concerns, I would love to invite you to schedule an I Know What To Do, I’m Just Not Doing It strategy call.

>p>In this 60 minute session, we will explore what’s holding you back and create a personalized action plan. You will gain clarity, support, and practical steps to move you forward. Visit elizabethsherman.com/call to book your call now. You can transform your health and I would love to be there to help.