Total Health in Midlife Episode #198: Stress: The Hidden Saboteur of Your Health

Are you tired of feeling like you’re constantly running on empty? Like, no matter how hard you try, you just can’t seem to stick to your health goals? Now, what if I told you that the real culprit isn’t your willpower, your busy schedule, or even your diet. It’s stress. But not in the way that you might think.

In today’s episode, I’m going to reveal why traditional stress management advice is letting you down. And why those breathing exercises and bubble baths just aren’t cutting it. I’ll share the shocking truth about how stress is sabotaging your health efforts in ways that you never even imagined. And you’ll discover why you’re not lazy or lacking discipline, but rather caught in a cycle that’s been programmed into you by society.

And I’ll let you in on the game changing approach that’s helped my clients break free from this cycle and finally achieve the health that they deserve. If you’ve ever felt like you’re failing at managing your health despite all of your best efforts, this episode is going to be a wakeup call.

Now, stay tuned because what you’re going to learn today could be the missing piece in your own health puzzle. So, trust me, you do not want to miss this.

Welcome to Total Health and Midlife, the podcast for women embracing the pivotal transformation from the daily grind to the dawn of a new chapter. I’m Elizabeth, your host and fellow traveler on this journey.

As a Life and Health Coach, I am intimately familiar with the changes and challenges we face during this stage. Shifting careers, changing relationships, our new bodies, and redefining goals and needs as we start to look to the future and ask, what do I want?

In this podcast, we’ll explore physical, mental, and emotional wellness, offering insights and strategies to achieve optimal health through these transformative years.

Yes, it’s totally possible.

Join me in this amazing journey of body, mind, and spirit, where we’re not just improving our health, but transforming our entire lives.

Hey everyone, welcome to the Total Health in Midlife podcast. I am your host, Elizabeth Sherman. And I just want to thank you for tuning in today. I am super glad that you are here. So, today, we are tackling the sixth habits of the 8 Basic Habits that Healthy People Do. And that’s all about ‘stress management.’

Now, you might be thinking, ‘Elizabeth, I’m not stressed. I’ve got everything under control.’ Or maybe you’re rolling your eyes thinking, ‘great, another person that’s going to tell me to breathe and meditate.’ But here’s the thing. Stress management is one of the most overlooked and misunderstood aspects of health, especially for women in midlife.

We have so much stress coming at us at this time in our lives. And we’ve been conditioned to believe that we should be able to handle everything without breaking a sweat. So, we’re masters at juggling responsibilities, right? But what’s the cost?

This isn’t about someone taking care of you. This is about recognizing that the way that we’ve been taught to manage stress just isn’t cutting it. It’s impacting our health in ways that we might not even realize and it’s affecting our eating habits, our sleep, our exercise routines, and practically everything else in our lives.

So, In today’s episode, I’m going to challenge some of those common beliefs about stress and explore why traditional advice often falls flat. What you will learn today might just be the key to unlocking your better health.

So, let’s talk about stress in midlife. Like, it’s the air we breathe, isn’t it? It’s all around us. But we don’t notice it because we are so conditioned to it. Many of us have been carrying this weight for so long that we don’t even realize it as stress anymore. We’ve normalized it. It’s just life.

Think about a frog in a pot of water. You’ve heard this analogy before. If you turn the heat up slowly, the frog doesn’t jump out. It adjusts to the rising temperature until it’s too late. And that’s what’s happening to many of us. We’ve been slowly adding more and more to our plates over the years.

A promotion here, a kid’s activity there, aging parents, community commitments. The heat’s been turning up gradually and we’ve been adjusting, taking it all on without offloading anything. Society expects so much from us. We’re supposed to be the perfect employee, the nurturing mother, the supportive wife, the dutiful daughter, the reliable friend.

Oh, and let’s not forget that we should also look great and take care of our health. It’s exhausting just listing it all out. And here’s the thing. We carry all of this in our heads. It’s called the mental load. We’re in charge of the family calendar, the meal planning. We are the gift buyers, the appointment makers.

We remember who likes crust cut off their sandwiches, and which kid needs new shoes. It’s a never ending to do list running in the backs of our minds. But because we’ve been doing all of this for so long, we don’t see it as stress. We see it as normal. We look around and think, well, everyone else is managing, so I should be able to do it as well. We compare our behind the scenes to everyone else’s highlight reel on social media.

The truth is this constant state of low grade stress is taking a toll on our health. It’s affecting our sleep, our eating habits, our energy levels. It’s making it harder for us to lose weight, to find time for exercise, and to take care of ourselves. And yet, when someone suggests that we might be stressed, we brush it off. And we’re like, ‘no, I’m fine, right? I’ve got it.’ But do we really? Or are we just so used to the heat that we don’t realize that we’re slowly boiling?

This is what I help my clients recognize. It’s not about adding more to your plate. It’s about understanding what’s already there and how it’s impacting you. Because once you see it, you can start to do something about it.

I want to share a little bit of my own story with you. So, I used to work as a personal trainer, and I’ll tell you it was frustrating as all get out sometimes. Because I’d have clients who were making really great progress. They were nailing their workouts, they were eating well, they were feeling good. And then, bam! Life would just come out and start ‘lifing.’ Maybe it was the holidays, or work got crazy busy, or a family member needed care.

Suddenly, all that progress that we’d make, it was gone. It was like the rug got pulled out right from under them. And the culprit was always stress. Now, back then, I thought that I had all of the tools to help.

I would talk about the four pillars of health. Eating, Physical Activity, Stress Management, and Sleep. But let me tell you, that stress management pillar, it always felt a little wobbly. Like I didn’t have a good handle on it. I mean, we all know what we need to do for better nutrition, right? We need to eat more vegetables, we need to eat lean proteins, whole grains, drink more water.

And for exercise, we need to move more. We need to sit less. And even for sleep, we have specific strategies. But when it comes to stress, the advice always felt really not there. Like the advice is just breathe, right? Meditate. Get a massage. And yes, those things are fantastic and nice. But when you’re drowning in responsibilities, being told to take a bubble bath feels like a joke, doesn’t it?

And so, it wasn’t until I was going through my own personal stuff that I hired a life coach. And let me tell you, it was like a light bulb went off. Suddenly, I had tools that actually made a difference. Tools that didn’t just help me cope with stress after it happened but actually allowed me to prevent it from happening and building up in the first place.

That’s when I realized that this is what my clients needed. Not just advice on what to eat or how to exercise, but strategies to manage the stuff that was derailing them in the first place, the life stuff, the stress stuff. So, that’s when I got certified as a life coach.

Now, I help my clients with the whole picture, not just diet and exercise. Because we all know what we’re supposed to be doing that. But rather how we manage our stress, our work overwhelms or parenting challenges. All the things that get in the way of us taking care of ourselves.

This is what I do with my clients now. We don’t just talk about food and workouts. Sure, we talk about that stuff, but that’s not all we talk about. We talk about time management, setting boundaries, and saying, no. Because here’s the truth. It’s life that gets in the way of our health. And until we address that, no diet or exercise plan in the world is going to stick.

So, let’s talk about how stress sneaks in and sabotages our health efforts. It’s not just about feeling frazzled. Stress has a direct impact on our eating, our exercise, and even our sleep. When we’re stressed, our body pumps out cortisol. It’s our fight or flight hormone. And it does a number on our appetite.

Suddenly, we’re craving all the sugary, fatty, yummy foods, right? You know those times when you find yourself elbow deep in a bag of chips after a tough day, that’s stress eating in action. And exercise? Forget about it. When we’re overwhelmed, the last thing we want to do is go to the gym.

Our brain tells us that we don’t have time, or that we’re too busy, or that we’re too tired, or too stressed to work out. So, of course we skip it, or we promise that we’ll go tomorrow. But then, tomorrow never comes.

Sleep takes a hit too. We lie awake. Our minds racing with to do lists and worries. Or we fall asleep, but wake up at 3am, unable to quiet our thoughts. And poor sleep just compounds our stress, making it even less likely that we’re going to eat well or exercise the next day.

So, here’s where it gets really tricky. We know that we need to take better care of ourselves. What do we do? We decide to quote unquote, get healthy, right? And we make a plan to eat better, to exercise more, to go to bed earlier. And we add all of this to our already overflowing plate of responsibilities.

It’s like we’re playing a game of Jenga, and we’re just keep stacking more and more blocks on top. We’re so focused on adding these new health habits that we don’t realize our foundation is super shaky. We haven’t made room for these new habits. We’ve just precariously balanced them on top of everything else.

And then, life happens. A kid gets sick, a big project lands on our desk at work, the car breaks down. And guess what the first thing is to fall off our over stacked plate? Yup, those shiny new health habits.

This is what I see with my clients all the time. all the freakin’ time. They come to me frustrated, feeling like failures because they can’t stick to their health goals. But the problem isn’t their willpower or their motivation. The problem is that they’re trying to add more to an already full life without addressing the underlying stress, the underlying problems.

And so, that’s why I focus on stress management with my clients. Because until we deal with the stress that’s derailing our efforts, no amount of diet plans or exercise routines are going to stick. We need to create a solid foundation first. One that can weather life’s storms without toppling over.

Let’s change the script on how we think about stress management. Most of what we’ve been taught is reactive. Something stressful happens, and then we try to deal with it. We take a deep breath, we count to 10, we go for a walk. But what if we could actually get ahead of stress instead of always playing catch up?

This is where proactive stress management comes in. It’s about building resilience before stress hits. Think of it like strengthening your immune system. You don’t wait until you’re sick to start taking care of yourself, right? And so, the same principle applies to your stress.

In my coaching practice, I use tools that help my clients become proactive about stress. And so, one of these tools is called the ‘Think, Feel, Act Cycle.’ It’s a simple but super powerful concept. The idea is that our thoughts actually create our feelings, and our feelings drive our actions.

So, here’s how it works. Something happens. Okay. You get a circumstance. So, let’s say that you wake up in the middle of the night. Your immediate thought is, ‘Oh no, here we go again. I’m not going to be able to go back to sleep, and I really need to get a good night’s sleep tomorrow.’

And so, that thought makes you feel anxious and worried because it’s 2am and you really want to feel good tomorrow. Which might make you start ruminating about how much you need to fall back asleep. Which in turn wakes you up even more. And prevents you from relaxing and falling back asleep.

So, you see how that cycle perpetuates insomnia. But what if we could interrupt that cycle. What if instead of jumping to ‘I’m not going to fall back asleep,’ you could actually pause and think, ‘this is fine. If I just relax, I’ll be able to fall back asleep.’ And so, that thought might lead to taking some pressure off and feeling a little bit more relaxed, which could ultimately allow you to fall back asleep.

And so, another tool that I use is called the ‘Motivational Triad.’ And I’ve talked about this in the podcast before. It explains why our brains resist changing. So, we are wired to seek pleasure, avoid pain, and conserve energy. And it’s understanding this that helps us work with our brains instead of against them when we’re trying to build new habits.

These tools create a crucial space between an event and our reaction to it. So, it’s kind of like pressing pause on your stress response. In that pause, you have the power to choose how you want to respond rather than just reacting on autopilot.

And so, this is what I teach my clients. How to recognize our thought patterns, how to understand our feelings, and how to choose our actions intentionally. So, it’s not about never feeling stressed. It’s about having the tools to manage stress before it manages you. Or being able to interrupt our natural response and deciding how we want to respond to it.

And so, here’s the beautiful thing. These skills don’t just help with our obvious stressors. They help with all those little daily irritations that build up over time. The constant interruptions, the never ending to do list, the feeling of being pulled in a million directions.

And so, by learning to manage stress proactively, my clients find that they have more energy for self-care. They’re not constantly in crisis mode, so they can actually follow through on their health goals. It’s a total game changer.

Let’s talk about the elephant in the room, the patriarchy. And what its role is in our stress. We have been conditioned by society to be good women. I have a couple podcasts on it that I will link in the show notes.

But what does that even mean? It means that we are expected to be everything to everyone. The nurturing mother, the supportive wife, the high achieving career woman, the dutiful daughter, the reliable friend. And let’s not forget, we all need to look impeccable while doing it.

So, we are told that that our time is not ours, that if someone asks for help, that we are supposed to say, yes. And that if we say, no, we better have a freaking damn good excuse as to why we’re saying no. We are taught that putting ourselves first is selfish. And that our worth is tied to how much we do for others.

This Good Woman Syndrome is a recipe for stress and overwhelm. We’re constantly juggling roles, trying to meet impossible standards. We feel guilty when we take time for ourselves. We apologize for things that aren’t even our fault. And we’ve internalized these expectations so deeply that we often don’t even recognize them as external pressures. We think it’s just who we are. or what other people expect of us, who we should be.

And so, this is what I see with my clients all the time. It’s what I saw with myself. We’re exhausted and burned out, but we can’t understand why. We are doing everything that we are supposed to do after all, right? But here’s the truth. These expectations are not serving us. They’re contributing to our stress, impacting our health, and holding us back from truly taking care of ourselves.

In my coaching, we work on recognizing these internalized expectations, and then challenging them. We learn to set boundaries, to prioritize our own needs, and to say, no, without guilt. Because until we address these underlying pressures, no amount of bubble baths or deep breathing is ever going to truly manage our stress.

Okay. So, I want to bust a huge myth. And that is the idea that our physical health lives in a silo. What I mean by that is that we tend to believe that our physical health is unimpacted by the rest of our lives. That all we need to do is find the right diet and exercise program and we will have good physical health. But that’s not how it works at all.

Stress impacts and is deeply connected to every aspect of our health. It affects our time, whether we procrastinate, feel overwhelmed, and therefore feel like exercising or even making dinner. It affects what we eat, how we sleep, whether we exercise, and even how our bodies process nutrients.

When we’re stressed, our whole system gets out of whack. And this is why traditional health advice often falls short. We’re told to eat better, exercise more, get more sleep. And sure, that’s all really great advice. But it’s like trying to bail out a leaky boat without fixing the hole. If we don’t address the underlying stress, those other healthy habits just will not stick.

And so, think about it. How many times have you started a new diet or exercise plan only to have it fall apart when life gets hectic? That’s stress in action. Undermining your best intentions.

In my work with clients, I see it all the time. They come to me frustrated because they know what they should be doing for their health, but they just can’t seem to do it consistently. They think there’s something wrong with them, that they’re lazy, or they lack willpower. But here’s the truth, it’s not about willpower. It’s about addressing the stress that’s making those healthy habits so hard to maintain in the first place.

And so, this is why I approach health holistically with my clients. We don’t just talk about what to eat or how to exercise. We dig into the stress that’s making those things challenging, because when we manage stress effectively, everything else becomes so much easier.

Let’s talk about why life coaching is such a powerful tool for managing stress and improving overall health. Because it’s not just about venting your frustrations or getting a pep talk. Life coaching gets to the root causes of your stress and gives you practical tools to deal with it.

When I work with my clients, we dive deep into the thoughts and beliefs that are driving their stress. Remember that ‘Think, Feel, Act cycle’ that I mentioned earlier. We use that tool to unpack why certain situations feel so stressful and how to shift your perspective. But it’s not just about changing your mindset. We also tackle practical skills that can dramatically reduce your stress levels.

Time management is a big one for my clients. So many women feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day. So, we work on prioritizing, delegating, and sometimes even eliminating tasks that aren’t serving you.

Boundaries are another crucial area. So, many of my clients struggle with saying, no, or asking for help. They feel guilty or selfish for putting their own needs first. We work on setting clear, firm boundaries, and communicating them effectively. It’s amazing how much stress melts away when you stop trying to be everything to everyone.

Self-care is also a key focus. But I’m not talking about spa days or bubble baths. Although, those are nice too. I’m talking about true self care, the kind that nourishes your soul and recharges your batteries. We identify what truly makes you feel cared for and find ways to incorporate that into your daily life.

Here’s the beautiful thing about this approach. When you address these root causes of your stress, your healthy habits naturally become more consistent. You’re not constantly firefighting, so you have more energy, and more mental space for taking care of yourself.

My clients find that they’re able to stick to their healthy eating plans because they’re not stress eating anymore. They’re making time for exercise because they’ve learned to manage their schedules better. They sleep better because they’re not lying awake, worrying all night.

This is why I’m so passionate about combining life coaching with health coaching. It’s not enough to know what to eat or how to exercise. You need to address the life stuff that gets in the way of those healthy habits. And the best part? These skills are transferable to every area of your life.

So, you’re not just learning how to eat better or exercise more, you’re learning how to manage your mind, your time, and your energy in a way that supports your overall well-being and allows you to be the future you that you’ve always dreamed of.

This is what total health in midlife looks like. It’s not about following a strict diet or punishing exercise routine. It’s about creating a life that supports your health rather than constantly fighting against stress to maintain it.

As I wrap up today, I want to emphasize the key points that I’ve covered. Stress isn’t just a mental burden. It’s deeply connected to every aspect of your health. The societal expectations and mental load that you carry are real, and they’re impacting your well-being more than you might realize.

I’ve shared how traditional stress management advice often falls short and why addressing the root cause of stress is crucial for maintaining consistent health habits. I’ve introduced you to some of the tools that I use in my coaching practice. Like the ‘Think, Feel, Act Cycle,’ which can help you to create space between stressful events and how you react to them.

I encourage you to reconsider your approach to stress. It’s not about adding more to your plate or forcing yourself to meditate. It’s about addressing the underlying issues that are making it hard for you to take care of yourself.

So, if you’re ready to take control of your stress and health, I want to invite you to schedule a strategy call with me. Together, we can create a personalized plan to help you manage your stress effectively and achieve total health in midlife. Go to elizabethsherman.com/call to book your call today.

All right. That’s all I have for you today. Have an amazing week, everyone. I’ll talk to you next time. Bye-bye.

Thank you for tuning in today. Now, if you enjoy the podcast and are ready to take the next step in addressing your health concerns, I would love to invite you to schedule an I Know What To Do, I’m Just Not Doing It strategy call.

In this 60 minute session, we will explore what’s holding you back and create a personalized action plan. You will gain clarity, support, and practical steps to move you forward. Visit elizabethsherman.com/call to book your call now. You can transform your health and I would love to be there to help.