Total Health in Midlife Episode #189: How to Stop Overeating

Ever feel out of control around food? Do you find yourself overeating, even when you’re not hungry, and then feeling guilty and ashamed afterwards? Now, what if I told you that your struggle with overeating isn’t about willpower or being quote unquote good with food?

In this episode, I’m sharing why diets fail when we’re trying to stop overeating, and why you keep falling into the same overeating patterns. I’m sharing personal stories that might sound all too familiar and reveal the missing piece that could finally help you break free from a cycle of overeating.

You’ll discover why the advice that you’ve been given about controlling your eating has been setting you up for failure. And learn about a radically different approach that doesn’t involve giving up the foods that you love.

If you’ve ever felt hopeless about your eating habits, If you’re tired of the constant battle with food. This episode could be the ‘aha’ moment or wakeup call that you’ve been waiting for. Stay tuned to find out how you can transform your relationship with food and reclaim control over your eating, all without dieting or deprivation. Let’s go.

Welcome to Total Health and Midlife, the podcast for women embracing the pivotal transformation from the daily grind to the dawn of a new chapter. I’m Elizabeth, your host and fellow traveler on this journey.

As a Life and Health Coach, I am intimately familiar with the changes and challenges we face during this stage. Shifting careers, changing relationships, our new bodies, and redefining goals and needs as we start to look to the future and ask, what do I want?

In this podcast, we’ll explore physical, mental, and emotional wellness, offering insights and strategies to achieve optimal health through these transformative years.

Yes, it’s totally possible.

Join me in this amazing journey of body, mind, and spirit, where we’re not just improving our health, but transforming our entire lives.

Hey everyone, welcome to the Total Health and Midlife Podcast. I am your host, Elizabeth Sherman, and I am thrilled that you are here for this really great episode. So, first, I want to tell you that I really appreciate you for listening and tuning in today. And if you’ve been sending me messages and feedback, I want you to know that it means the world to me. And your messages help me to create content that you need and want specifically tailored to you.

Now, if you’ve been following along with me on social media, or if you’ve been getting my weekly emails, you know that I’ve been sharing a lot about overeating lately. Now, those emails have been packed with valuable tips and techniques to help you stop overeating. And quite honestly, the response I’ve gotten back has been incredible.

Now, I know that we’re just about the end of summer, and you might have been in full on vacation mode embracing what one of my clients calls her ‘Vacay Renee Persona.’ You know that fun carefree version of ourselves that comes out during the summer breaks and on holidays.

But with Labor Day approaching, you might be starting to think about reigning things in a bit. So, Let’s just be honest. Overeating is a struggle that many of us face, me included. And its impact goes far beyond just the number on the scale.

It affects how we feel about ourselves, our energy levels, and even our relationships, not to mention our sleep. Whether it’s the guilt after cleaning your plate, the frustration of feeling out of control around food, or the worry that you’ll never get a handle on your eating habits. Overeating can cast a long shadow over our lives.

And that’s why I want to explore this topic with you today. We’re going to talk about overeating from a different lens. One that doesn’t involve shame, restrictive diets, or giving up on the foods that you love.

So, first, let’s talk about overeating. It’s a struggle that many of us face, yet we don’t talk about it openly. You know that feeling when you’ve eaten more than you meant to, and then you’re hit with that wave of guilt and shame. It could be immediately after, or maybe the next day when you wake up.

Maybe you promised yourself that you wouldn’t go back for seconds, but somehow you found yourself doing just that. Or perhaps you’ve had those nights when you’re alone. And before you know it, you’ve eaten an entire bag of chips, or a pint of ice cream, or maybe even both.

These experiences are incredibly common, but they often leave us feeling isolated and ashamed. And certainly, something that we don’t want to admit out loud. We beat ourselves up wondering, why can’t we just control ourselves around food? And then, we run to a diet to solve the problem.

But here’s the thing about diets. They’re like a merry go round that never stops. You start a diet, you restrict your food intake. And for a while, it seems to work. You lose some weight, you feel in control, and think you’ve finally cracked the code.

But then, inevitably, the diet feels too restrictive. You start to crave all the foods that you’ve denied yourself. And eventually, you cave. You overeat. You feel guilty. You go off the diet, and then you blame yourself. And the cycle starts all over again.

What’s frustrating is that no one really teaches us how not to overeat. Instead, we’re given rules about what we can and can’t eat. What’s good and what’s bad. We’re told that there’s some magic amount of food that’s okay to eat. But too much of it is wrong.

The problem is that the quote unquote right amount is different for everyone. Your body, your metabolism, and your energy needs. They are unique to you. A one size fits all diet cannot possibly know what’s right for you and your individual body. Yet, we keep trying these diets hoping that this time it’ll be different.

We follow the arbitrary calorie allotments, ignoring our own body’s signals for hunger and fullness. It’s like we’re speaking a different language than our own bodies. This cycle of dieting and overeating isn’t just frustrating, but quite honestly, it’s exhausting. It takes up so much mental energy, leaving us feeling defeated and hopeless.

But I want you to know that there’s a way out of this cycle. And it starts with understanding that overeating isn’t a moral failing. It’s a habit that we picked up along the way. And so therefore, it can be unlearned. And that’s exactly, what we’re going to explore in today’s episode.

Now, when it comes to addressing overeating, there are several common approaches that many of us have tried, but they often fall short. I’m going to talk about each of these typical methods and why they tend to fail us in the long run. First up is the classic diet approach. You’re already familiar with this one, and I just talked about it a little bit. We cut out entire food groups, count every calorie, and follow strict meal plans.

Now, while this might lead to short term weight loss. It’s rarely sustainable. Why? Because it’s based on rules, restriction, and deprivation. Our bodies and minds rebel against this type of constraint. When we tell ourselves we can’t have something, we often want it even more. And this leads to a cycle of restriction followed by binge eating. Leaving us feeling like complete and utter failures.

Another mistake is relying solely on willpower. How many times have you told yourself, I just need more self-control? The problem is willpower is a finite resource. It’s like a muscle that gets tired with overuse. When we’re stressed, tired, or emotionally drained, our willpower weakens, making it easy to fall back into overeating habits.

That’s one of the reasons why we start out so strong early in the day, and then as the day goes on, we find ourselves overeating and compensating. And then, there’s the clean plate club mentality. Many of us were raised to finish everything on our plates, regardless of our hunger levels.

Now, this habit ignores our body’s natural hunger and fullness cues. And it leads to chronic overeating. It’s often coupled with the fear of wasting food, where we’d rather overeat than throw food away. But here’s the truth. Whether the extra food goes into the trash, or into your body when you’re already full, it’s still a waste.

Another common mistake is not paying attention to our hunger and fullness signals. In our busy lives, we often eat on autopilot. We might wait too long to eat, getting overly hungry, and then eat too quickly to truly register when we’re satisfied. Or we eat because it’s quote unquote time to eat, regardless of whether we’re actually hungry.

Emotional eating is another big one. Many of us turn to food for comfort, stress relief, or to cope with difficult emotions. While this might provide temporary relief, it doesn’t address the underlying emotional needs and can lead to a cycle of guilt and more overeating.

And then, lastly, there’s the all or nothing approach. We’re either being good quote unquote, and eating perfectly, or we’ve blown it. So, we might as well go all out. This black and white approach doesn’t allow for the natural ebbs and flows of life and eating.

These methods often fail because they don’t address the root causes of our overeating. They focus on external rules than helping us tune into our bodies and understand our relationship with food. They create an adversarial relationship with food and our bodies, rather than fostering a harmonious one.

Moreover, these approaches often increase our stress around food, which can ironically lead to more overeating. They don’t teach us the skills that we need to navigate our complex food environment or to cope with our emotions in healthier ways. Understanding why these common approaches don’t work is the very first step in finding a more effective, sustainable way to address overeating.

I want to share a little bit of my own personal story with overeating. Growing up, I was the youngest of six kids. My mom’s focus was feeding eight mouths as efficiently and as cheaply as possible. Now, we never went hungry, which I am truly grateful for. But my relationship with food was, well, complicated.

First, I would constantly sneak food into my room and hide the evidence. I remember one time I made an entire pan of brownies; I ate them all, and I hid the pan underneath my bed. As far as the family dynamic went, when we finished dinner, the question was always, are you full? Not, have you had enough? Or are you satisfied?

Now, it seems like an innocent difference. But how I interpreted it was that I needed to be full. Stuffed, really. At the end of every single meal, every day was like Thanksgiving. This mindset followed me into adulthood. I remember one night when my husband was out of town. And now mind you, this was just recently. I ordered Indian food for delivery.

It was enough to feed a small village, but it was delicious, and I portioned out exactly what I thought was a reasonable amount. But when I finished, I still wanted more. The pull to keep eating was so incredibly strong. Even though, I was already uncomfortably full.

In that moment, I faced a choice. Either tolerate the discomfort of wanting more food or give in and deal with the discomfort of feeling even more full on top of what I was already feeling. And so, it was really curious turning point for me. I realized that overeating wasn’t just about the food, but it was about how I dealt with the discomfort.

My journey to change started slowly. I began by simply trying to reduce my portions. Now, I had heard that the eye couldn’t detect a 20% reduction in portion size. So, that’s where I started. I remember cutting a beautiful, just amazing New York strip steak in half before plating it.

I told myself that I could always eat more if I wanted to. As I put that half of a steak on my plate because we were used to eating the entire thing. I felt this wave of sadness and grief wash over me. I wanted to eat it all. And it was so confusing.

Why did I feel sad about not overeating? Why was I grieving something that didn’t actually make me feel good? These questions led me to dig deeper into my relationship with food and I started paying attention to my body’s signal. Really trying to understand my hunger and fullness cues.

I practiced eating slowly and really tasting my food. Most importantly, I began to challenge the beliefs that I had about food. Like the idea that I needed to be stuffed in order to be satisfied, or that throwing food away instead of eating it was wasteful. It wasn’t easy. And honestly, it took me about 18 months before I felt like I really had control over my eating habits.

But the first time I woke up after not overeating, and eating my normal food, not a diet. I felt light and energetic. I wasn’t still full of the night before. That feeling was something that I wanted to bottle because I felt proud of myself, and I felt good in my body.

This experience showed me that overeating isn’t just about the food, it’s a habit, a coping mechanism. And sometimes a deeply ingrained belief system. But it also showed me that change is possible with patience, practice, and self-compassion.

One thing that I think is super important is looking at overeating from a different angle. Instead of seeing it as a personal failing or lack of willpower, what if we viewed it as simply a habit. And more importantly, what if we saw stopping overeating as a skill that can be learned and practiced.

This perspective shift is crucial because it takes the shame and judgment out of the equation. It’s not about being quote unquote good or quote unquote bad with food or as a person. It’s about developing a new set of skills and habits around eating. So, consider this.

Overeating is a natural response to delicious food. Our brains are wired to seek pleasure. And food especially tasty, calorie dense food provides that pleasure.

In our ancestors time, this drive to eat beyond fullness was a survival mechanism. But in our modern world of abundance, it can lead to chronic overeating. Being present and aware of this natural inclination is the first step. It’s about acknowledging. Yes, this food is delicious, and part of me wants to keep eating even though I’m satisfied.

This awareness allows us to make conscious choices rather than eating on autopilot. Learning to stop overeating is similar to learning any other skill. Like playing an instrument or speaking a new language. It takes practice, patience, and a willingness to make mistakes and learn from them. Just as you wouldn’t expect to play a perfect concerto after one piano lesson. You shouldn’t expect to master your eating habits overnight.

This skill involves several components. First, there’s learning to tune in to your body’s hunger and fullness signals. Then, there’s developing the ability to eat mindfully, savoring your food, and paying attention to how it makes you feel. It’s also about learning to differentiate between physical hunger and the other reasons that we eat. Like stress, boredom, or habits.

One of the most important aspects of this skill is learning to sit with discomfort. Sometimes that discomfort is physical, like the feeling of wanting more food even though you’re satisfied. Other times, it’s emotional, like dealing with stress or anxiety without turning to food for comfort.

The beauty of viewing stopping overeating as a skill is that it gives us hope. Skills can be improved with practice. If you overeat one day, it’s not a moral failing. It’s just data. You can ask yourself, what can I learn from this experience? How can I approach things differently next time?

This perspective also allows for flexibility and self-compassion. Some days you’ll practice this skill beautifully. And then, other days you might struggle. And that’s okay, it’s all part of the learning process. Keep in mind that you’re not trying to achieve perfect eating habits. I don’t even know what that is.

You’re working on developing a healthier relationship with your food. And so, it’s about progress, not perfection. Shifting to this mindset. So, seeing stopping overeating as a learnable skill can be incredibly freeing. It takes the pressure off and allows you to approach your eating habits with curiosity and kindness rather than judgment and shame.

And ultimately, this approach is much more likely to lead to lasting change than any restrictive diet or quick fix solution. So, let me tell you about my client Barb. When she first came to me, she was really struggling to understand her eating habit. Like many of us, she thought she ate simply because food tasted good.

But as we worked together, she started to uncover the complex reasons behind her eating patterns. Now, through our sessions, Barb began to notice the various signals that her body was sending her. Sometimes she realized that she was eating just because it was a certain time of day, not because she was actually hungry.

And then other times, she discovered that she was eating so that she could connect and bond with friends and family. Even when she wasn’t hungry, and the food wasn’t particularly tasty.

This awareness was eye opening for Barb. She started to recognize that her overeating wasn’t just about the food itself, but about a whole host of other factors. Habit, Emotions, Being Tired, and even Fear of Missing Out.

One of the biggest insights for Barb was realizing how often she ate to feel connected to others. This awareness allowed her to find other ways to bond and connect that didn’t revolve around food.

Now As Barb continued to practice these new awareness skills, she became more in tune with her body’s true hunger signals. She learned to differentiate between physical hunger and other triggers for eating.

This didn’t mean she never overate again. But she now has the tools to understand why it was happening and how to address it moving forward. Barb’s journey highlights a crucial truth. That overeating is often about much more than just food. By becoming aware of our triggers and the reasons behind our eating habits, we can start to make real, lasting changes.

Now, I need to address the elephant in the room. The shame and guilt that often goes hand in hand with overeating. It’s a heavy burden that many of us carry, often in secret. Like, think about it. Have you ever eaten an entire pizza by yourself? Or polished off a row of Oreos followed by a half a bag of chips?

I know that I have. And the thing is. We’ve all done things like this. But we don’t talk about it. Instead, we hide these behaviors, ashamed of our lack of control. We don’t want the judgment of others.

There’s something about eating alone that makes overeating so tempting. When we’re by ourselves, there’s no one else to witness how much we’ve consumed. There’s no one to judge us. It’s why the stories I shared earlier about making brownies as a teen or ordering Indian food when my husband was away resonates with so many people. We feel safe to indulge our cravings when we’re alone.

But here’s the thing, keeping these secrets only perpetuates the cycle. The shame that we feel after overeating often leads to more overeating as we try to comfort ourselves or punish ourselves for our perceived weakness. It’s a vicious cycle that’s really super hard to break.

Shame tells us that we’re bad and that there’s something fundamentally wrong with us because we can’t control our eating. Guilt, on the other hand, tells us that we’ve done something bad. While guilt can sometimes motivate positive change, shame almost always leads to more negative behaviors.

This is where self-compassion comes in. It’s about treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding that we would offer a good friend. If your best friend told you that they had overeaten, you wouldn’t berate them. You probably wouldn’t judge her and tell her that she was weak. Of course, not. You might be concerned about her, and you would likely offer comfort and support.

Learning to extend that same compassion to ourselves is crucial in breaking the overeating cycle. It means acknowledging that yes, we overate. But that doesn’t make us bad people. It means understanding that overeating is a common struggle, not a personal failing.

Self-compassion allows us to look at our eating behaviors with curiosity, rather than judgment. Instead of beating ourselves up, we can ask; what was going on for me that led to this overeating episode? And what can I learn from it?

So, breaking free from the shame and guilt around overeating is a process. It takes time and practice. But as we learn to be kinder to ourselves, we create space for real change. We can start to heal our relationship with food, and with ourselves.

So Now, that I’ve explored the complexities of overeating, I want to share a solution with you that addresses these challenges head on. My ‘9-week Beyond Overeating Group Coaching Program.’ If you’re struggling with overeating, let me be clear. It’s not going to magically disappear on its own. But the good news is, you have the power and resources to change it.

And that’s where ‘Beyond Overeating’ comes in. It’s the solution that you have been searching for. So, think about your future for a moment. Do you still want to be dealing with overeating in one year? Five years? Ten years? If the answer is no, then it’s time to take action.

You have the power to create a different future for yourself, and ‘Beyond Overeating’ is designed to help you with exactly that. This isn’t your typical weight loss program or restrictive diet plan. Beyond Overeating is a 9 week group coaching program that teaches you how to stop overeating using the exact foods that you are currently eating.

Yeah, you heard that right. You don’t have to give up your favorite food or feel alienated by making separate meals for yourself and for your family. Here’s how Beyond Overeating differs from traditional approaches. First, it’s skills based, not rule based. So, instead of giving you a list of foods to avoid, we focus on teaching you the skills to eat any food without overeating.

Second, we address the root causes. This program digs deep into why you overeat, and it helps you to understand and then change your eating patterns. Third, it’s personalized.

Through group coaching sessions, you’ll get tailored support to your specific challenges and experiences. We focus on mindfulness and body awareness. You’ll learn to tune in to your body’s signals and eat in response to hunger, not emotions or external cues.

And then last, it’s about progress, not perfection. So, we celebrate small wins and learn from setbacks, creating sustainable change. And there are two levels of support that you can choose from.

Over the course of the nine weeks, we’ll cover topics like understanding hunger and fullness, emotional eating, portion control, and developing a healthy relationship with food. Each week includes a teaching session, practical exercises, and a group coaching call where you’ll get personalized support and guidance.

But perhaps the most powerful aspect of Beyond Overeating is the community. So, you’ll be surrounded by women who understand exactly what you are going through. There’s no judgment here, only support, understanding, and shared growth.

So, this program isn’t about willpower or deprivation. It’s about learning to work with your body, not against it. It’s about finding peace with food and freeing up all of that mental energy that you’ve been spending on worrying about what you eat.

Remember that overeating is a habit, and habits can be changed. But it takes the right tools, support, and guidance. And that’s exactly what Beyond Overeating provides.

If you’re tired of the cycle of dieting and overeating, if you’re ready to make peace with food and your body, Beyond Overeating could be the solution that you’ve been looking for. And so, this is your chance to rewrite your relationship with food and create a future where overeating no longer controls your life.

If this is something that you struggle with, get the help that you need. Don’t try white knuckling it on your own. And don’t let another year go by struggling with the same issues. You have the power to change your story starting now.

So, I’d like to share some of the key components of the ‘Beyond Overeating Group Coaching Program.’ I think it’s important to point out that this isn’t just another diet plan. It’s a comprehensive, skills based approach to transforming your relationship with food.

First, we focus on understanding hunger and fullness. And so, you’ll learn to recognize your body’s natural signals, distinguishing true physical hunger from other triggers like emotions, habit, or cravings. This foundational skill helps you to eat in response to your body’s needs, not your external cues.

Next, we tackle mindful eating practices. And so, you’ll discover how to slow down, how to taste your food, and truly enjoy what it is that you’re eating. This practice alone can dramatically reduce overeating and increase satisfaction with smaller portions. We also address emotional eating head on. If that’s something that you struggle with.

You’ll develop strategies to cope with stress, boredom, and other emotions without turning to food. This includes exploring alternative ways to self soothe and process feelings. Portion control is another crucial component. But instead of measuring cups or calorie counting, we focus on learning to first listen, and then trust your body’s signals.

You’ll practice slowly serving yourself smaller amounts and noticing when you’re satisfied. Not stuffed. Throughout the program, I emphasize the importance of self-compassion. And so, you’ll learn to approach your eating habits with curiosity and kindness, rather than judgment and shame. This shift in perspective is often the key to lasting change.

Now, what sets Beyond Overeating apart is its practice oriented approach. Each week you’ll have specific exercises and challenges to implement in your daily life. This isn’t about memorizing information. It’s about developing real world skills, because you can listen to this podcast and understand everything that I’m talking about. But until you actually apply it, it’s not going to make any difference.

For example, you might practice using the hunger scale to assess your hunger levels before eating. Or you might experiment with leaving food on your plate, challenging the clean plate club mentality. These practical exercises help you to internalize and apply the concepts and make them part of your everyday life.

The group coaching component is vital too. It’s a space to share your experiences, to get personalized advice, and to learn from others’ journeys. This supportive community makes you understand that you’re not alone. And it keeps you feeling accountable and motivated.

Now, keep in mind that these skills do take time to develop. And that’s why the program spans nine weeks. It gives you ample time to practice, to make mistakes because you will, to learn, and to grow. It’s not about doing this perfectly, because there is no perfectly. It’s about seeing and noticing your progress over time.

And so, by the end of ‘Beyond Overeating,’ you will have a toolbox of practical skills to navigate your relationship with food. You’ll be equipped to handle challenges, to listen to your body, and to make choices that align with your health goals. All without rigid rules or restrictions.

If what you’ve heard today resonates with you. If you’re tired of the cycle of dieting and overeating, I want you to know that change is possible. The Beyond Overeating program could be your path to a healthier, more balanced relationship with food. And so, I want to invite you to take the next step.

Visit elizabethsherman.com/overeating to learn more about the program. There, you’ll find detailed information about what’s included, the schedule, and how to join. But here’s the thing. This program is not for everyone. And so, I want to make sure that it’s a right fit for you and your needs. And that’s why I’m offering a FREE, no obligation, right fit call.

During this call, we will discuss your specific challenges with overeating to see if Beyond Overeating is the right solution for you. You can schedule this call directly at elizabethsherman.com/call. And those links will both be in the show notes.

Now, keep in mind that the program has limited spots available. And so, this ensures that everyone gets the personalized attention and support that they need. So, if you’re interested, I want to encourage you to act now.

As we wrap up, I want to leave you with this thought. You don’t have to live at war with food and your body. You have the power to stop overeating. It won’t happen overnight, and it won’t always be easy. But with the right tools and support, you can overcome eating too much.

Thank you for tuning in today. Your health journey matters, and I’m honored to be part of it. Whether you join Beyond Overeating or not, I hope this episode has given you hope and a new perspective on overeating. Remember, you are stronger than you think, and you don’t have to do this alone.

That’s all I have for you today. Have an amazing week. I’ll see you next time. Bye-bye.

Thank you for tuning in today. Now, if you enjoy the podcast and are ready to take the next step in addressing your health concerns, I would love to invite you to schedule an I Know What To Do, I’m Just Not Doing It strategy call.

In this 60 minute session, we will explore what’s holding you back and create a personalized action plan. You will gain clarity, support, and practical steps to move you forward. Visit elizabethsherman.com/call to book your call now. You can transform your health and I would love to be there to help.